The Truth of the Matter
by HilsK
Summary: When the chip endangers Spike's life, Buffy must make a difficult decision *re-post under new author name*
1. Part 1

Title: The Truth of the Matter 

Author: Hilary & Heidi 

E-mail: ImmortalBeloved2000@yahoo.co.uk and angelus0@hotmail.com 

Posted: 6th Feb 2001

Rating: PG 

Pairings: B/R, B/S 

Spoilers: General Season 5 post Out Of My Mind 

Summary: When Spike's chip threatens his life Buffy and the gang must make a difficult decision 

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to any of these characters. It all belongs to Joss and co. 

Feedback: YES PLEASE!!!! 

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Dusk was just settling over Sunnydale as Spike awoke from what hadn't been the best day's sleep he'd ever had. Sitting up he put his hand to his head and winced. The headaches were getting worse; they were even stopping him from sleeping now. Still, he'd probably feel better once he'd eaten. It was time to hit the shops. 

Shrugging into his duster he left his crypt and headed through the cemetery towards town. Part of him considered talking a detour past Buffy's house, maybe he would catch a glimpse of her, but he was too hungry and in too much pain. He'd walk by a bit later. Spike was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't hear his attackers approaching from behind 

"Look who it is." Sneered one of the vampires, who had an ugly scar running down from eyebrow to jowl of his right cheek. "It's the vampire who likes to help the Slayer." 

Spike sighed and turned around. He really wasn't in the mood to fight but from the looks of it he wasn't going to have much of a choice in the matter. There were four of them. Nothing he hadn't handled before, he thought to himself. 

"Let's just get this over with," He said raising his fists. Then they were on him, all four at once, knocking him to the ground. Spike managed to kick two of them away and pushed the other two off. He jumped to his feet and winced as another jolt of pain ran through his head. The one second distraction was all the scar-face needed as he dealt Spike a powerful punch, knocking him to the floor again. Spike pulled out a stake, which he carried around with him for moments like this. As one of the vampires tried to jump on him Spike raised the stake and the vamp was dust. He climbed to his feet a little more slowly this time. His limbs just weren't responding the way they normally did. He managed to dust another vampire narrowing the odds to two against one but as he prepared to dust a third the stake was kicked from his hand and he found himself on the floor for the third time. Scar-face picked up the stake Spike had dropped and moved in for the kill 

"You have no idea how much I'm going to enjoy this." 

Spike braced himself for the death that he'd hoped would have come at the hands of a Slayer. There was no glory in this, only the shame that he'd been unable to defend himself. When he didn't feel the wood enter his chest he looked up and saw Buffy looking down at him, stake in hand. Bloody marvellous, he thought as he climbed to his feet. 

"A little off your game tonight aren't you Spike?" 

"Sod off," he snapped. He was getting another headache and despite the fact that Buffy had saved his life and that he was gladder to see her than he usually was, at the moment he just wanted to go home and cut his own head off. 

"That's no way to talk to someone who just saved your ass," replied Buffy with mock hurt in her eyes. 

"Listen Slayer, as much as I love our traditional verbal banter, I'm not in the mood tonight and I would be insanely happy if you just pissed off and left me alone!" 

Without waiting for a response Spike left in the direction of the butchers. As he walked he couldn't believe that he'd just walked away from Buffy. Normally he took up any opportunity he could to see her and he'd just left her standing there. What the hell is wrong with me? He mentally kicked himself. 

Buffy stared after Spike, a look of confusion on her face. There was something not quite right about the way Spike was acting, she couldn't put her finger on what it was though. She shrugged, Spike's problems were his own. 

She turned to continue in the direction of the coffee shop where she had promised to meet Riley. As she started to walk, she heard a loud thump and Spike's voice wafting out of the alley he had travelled into after the confrontation. "Oh! My! Bloody! Head!" 

Thinking that she was going to regret this, Buffy sighed and ran to the alley. When she reached the entrance, she saw Spike lying prone on the greasy concrete. He was holding his head and moaning softly. She walked over and crouched beside him. 

"Spike?" 

When she got no response, she smacked him across the face. 

"Spike!" 

She moved him so that he was sitting up and leaning against the alley wall. She slapped him again and this time a huge grin formed across his face. Buffy's face wrinkled in revulsion as she heaved him to his feet. He wiped the back alley findings off his duster, gave her a mock salute and was gone before she could ask him what was wrong. 

Buffy shook her head. She mused as she continued on her way to the coffee shop. Spike was such a mystery to her. She was almost glad that he had the microchip in his head. Knowing that he couldn't hurt her had done wonders for getting to know him. Funny how he could almost be a nice person underneath his sarcasm and death threats. 

Buffy opened the door to the café and saw Riley sitting at their usual table. She didn't miss his too casual glance at his watch, and her smile dampened a little. 

"Hi there," she said as she turned her head to brush her lips against his cheek rather than his mouth. She sat down, picked up the menu and began to look for anything besides her usual. The menu was pulled down and Riley's face replaced the selection of ice cream desserts. 

His statement was so earnest that she began to feel badly for brushing him off slightly, just now. Her face softened and he smiled back at her and took her hand. "So, where are we patrolling tonight?" 

She took her hand back from his and she scolded him as if she was talking to a child. "Riley, we've been through this before. I don't want you coming on patrols with me. You're still recovering and you might get killed." 

"Ok, ok cease fire," he held up his hands in mock surrender, "There's no way I'm letting you patrol alone. But we can talk about that later." Buffy looked at him warily as he continued. "What happened to you? I was waiting for you for over twenty minutes." 

Buffy rolled her eyes and blew out a breath of air in frustration. Of course he had to have gotten to the shop early. "I was with my other boyfriend, didn't you know? Time just got away from us and I had to say 'ta-ta' and scuttle off to meet you here," she finished sarcastically. 

"Buffy," he said to her. The disappointment on his face was too much for her to bear, so she sighed again. 

"I ran across some vampires that were picking on Spike. I dusted them, but I think there's something wrong with him." 

Riley gave her a look which read 'What isn't wrong with Spike?' 

"No, that's not it. Before I got there, I watched him fight the first couple of vamps and he couldn't handle it, that's why I had to help. Then we argued like we always do. He walked off and passed out. He tired to act like nothing was wrong but I've never seen him like this before." 

Riley frowned as she spoke. Bad enough she was letting Spike live, she was helping him to do so and was worried about him. 

Oblivious to his frown Buffy continued, "I might go and check up on him before we go home, just to make sure he's okay." 

Now Riley looked exasperated. Unable to contain himself he spoke up. 

"Buffy, I know you don't want to kill Spike now that he's helpless but I think you're forgetting that he's still a vampire and you're the Slayer. If there's anything wrong with him I'm sure he'll figure out a way to sort it out himself. You weren't called to coddle neutered vampires." 

Deep down Buffy knew that he was right. It was weird but she did feel concerned for Spike even though, as Riley had pointed out, he was a vampire. The problem was that Spike had been a part of her life for too long now, she couldn't help but care. She didn't consider him to be a friend but at the same time he wasn't an enemy either. 

"Riley, don't get me wrong. I'm not setting up the Spike fan club or anything, it's just that he's helped me out before and I figure that I owe him one." 

"Yeah, he's also tried to kill you before." Grumbled Riley 

Seeing that this argument was going nowhere Buffy tactfully decided to change the subject. Sighing loudly she scanned the menu 

"I'm starving. How about you?" 

Observing the conversation change Riley decided to go along with it. They were never going to agree about Spike so it was probably best to just drop the subject. He took her hand and squeezed it gently. 

"Yeah, me too. Let's order." 

Meanwhile, Spike continued to make his way to the butcher's, still feeling a little woozy from the earlier attack. He couldn't believe that he'd collapsed in front of Buffy and that she'd seen how he'd been unable to fend off the last two vampires. Now not only did she see him as a harmless vampire, but a weak one too. Physical weakness was not something Spike would ever have imagined associating with himself, but if he was honest, it was how he felt. I'll be alright once I get some blood in me, he told himself. This was what he always said but now he wasn't so sure. He was beginning to think that there might actually be something wrong with him. He decided that if he didn't feel any better the next night that he would pay Giles a little visit. Since vampires didn't get ill it must be a spell of some sorts. With that final thought Spike bought a couple of pints of blood and headed back to his crypt. 

As Riley walked her home, Buffy couldn't help but notice how guarded their conversation had been all night. They had spent the evening speaking about inane and completely neutral things. School, sports, television. Now, as they walked home neither was offering any speech. Buffy knew that Riley knew that after he dropped her off at home, she would be going out on patrol. She appreciated that he hadn't asked again about patrol tonight, though she knew that he wanted to. She decided to avoid the topic altogether and head inside as quickly as possible. 

As they reached her front door, Buffy's pace had sped up and before they both knew it, Buffy was already halfway in the front door. Riley stopped her and held her by the shoulders. She turned around and gave him a tired glare. 

"Hey," he whispered to her softly. "Be careful tonight?" 

She nodded and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. She closed the door behind her without giving Riley a chance to say anything more. 

Buffy stood with her back to the inside of her front door. She peeked out of the curtain to see Riley's form retreating from her front steps, crossing the street and heading in the direction of his home rather than the cemeteries. She breathed a sigh of relief and headed up the stairs to change clothes and gather her patrol supplies. 

Riley turned the corner as he walked and doubled back to see if he could follow Buffy. He stopped at the yard that was three houses down from hers and sat behind a parked car and waited. 

He saw her emerge from her home wearing a skimpy tank top with the jeans she had on before topped with a short leather jacket. He remembered when he was in the Initiative the protective gear that everyone was required to wear. Even with all that, people had been injured or even killed in incidents that barely left a scratch on Buffy. 

She moved quickly in the direction of the cemeteries and he followed from a safe distance. She turned around once as she entered the gates of Sunnydale's largest cemetery and he had no place to hide. He dropped to the ground and lay flat as he watched her scan around. Their eyes connected, for just a second, but maybe he was imagining it, because she entered the gates without giving him a second look. Riley counted to ten and slipped through the gate before it could slam shut behind her. 

Buffy stalked her way through the cemetery in a seemingly random pattern. She rarely came to this cemetery anymore, but there seemed to be no apparent vampire activity. Her feet moved and she followed where they carried her. The whole way here, she felt as though someone was following her. She thought she had seen something as she was entering the graveyard, but shrugged it off as she hadn't seen anything at all. Her feet stopped and she found herself at the door of Spike's crypt. Smiling wryly, she knocked on door instead of kicking it in as she always did. 

Spike lay on his bed with his eyes closed. This was the worst headache he'd had yet. It felt like someone was banging inside his brain. He pried his eyes open and realised that the banging was actually coming from his front door. He sat up and sighed. Who the hell would be knocking on his door, most people or demons tended to just kick it in. He got up and pulled some clothes on before opening it. He stared in surprise. It was Buffy. 

"What the hell do you want?" he grunted. 

"I just wanted to see if you were okay." Buffy replied, suddenly feeling really stupid and wondering why she was here. She didn't even know why she was worried and now she wanted nothing more than to get as far away as possible 

Spike sighed and stood to one side motioning for her to come in. Riley frowned as he saw Buffy walk into Spike's crypt and the door shut behind her. Something was going on and he didn't like it. Spike couldn't be trusted. 

Spike sat down on the end of his bed and watched wearily as Buffy sat down on one of his chairs. He wasn't entirely sure why she'd come here tonight. It was true that he'd seen the briefest flicker of concern on her face when he'd collapsed earlier on, but that concern had quickly turned into revulsion. He knew exactly what she thought of him, she hated him, and why shouldn't she? What was he? Nothing but a pathetic, harmless vampire who had once been a worthy adversary and was now useless. 

"So," Buffy began. "Do you want to tell me what's going on?" 

Blunt and to the point, that was the Slayer through and through. Spike wondered if she would believe him if he said nothing was wrong, probably not. He hated the idea of her knowing something was wrong with him, it made him seem even weaker than she no doubt thought he was already. Still, if lies weren't going to work then he'd have to tell her. Maybe it couldn't get any worse, she probably couldn't think any less of him than she did now anyway. 

"I don't know." That wasn't a lie. "I've been getting these headaches, and dizzy spells. Makes me feel weak, I can't fight. I think someone's working some sort of magic on me, someone maybe wants me out of the way. I was going to go over and see Giles tomorrow and see if he could tell me what it is." 

Buffy sat in silence for a moment, she'd guessed it might be something like that, but she hadn't realised quite how serious it was. Just looking at him she could tell it was bad, he looked tired, and if it was possible, paler than normal. If it was true that this spell was making him weak, then he'd be unable to defend himself. She stood up. 

"Come on." 

Spike looked at her, his face a mixture of confusion and surprise. 

"What?" 

"You can't stay here tonight. If some demon decides to pop in for a visit, you're as good as dead. We'll go and see Giles now and you can stay with him until we figure out a way to get this spell reversed." 

Spike continued to stare at her, she had that concerned look again, but he knew it was more pity than concern. 

"What do you care if some demon bumps me off?" He asked, turning from her, not really wanting to hear the answer. 

Buffy was about to answer when Spike suddenly clutched his head and slid off the end of the bed onto the floor. 

"Spike? What is it?" 

This was the most intense pain that Spike had ever experienced in his whole unlife. It hurt worse than it had when Drusilla had killed him, it felt like someone was driving white hot pokers into his brain. He was aware of someone screaming but was in too much pain to realise that the scream was his own. The pain and the scream finally ceased as blissful unconsciousness swept over him. 

Hearing a scream coming from the crypt Riley ran over and burst through the door, forgetting that Buffy thought he was at home. As he ran in he saw her staring dumbly at the prone form of an unconscious Spike. 

"Buffy? Wow, what did you do to him?" 

Buffy turned slowly to face him, disbelief and shock in her eyes. 

"You think I did this? There's something really wrong with him, he was in so much pain and then he just collapsed. Come on, we've got to take him to Giles.'" Buffy picked up Spike's arms and motioned for Riley to get his legs. Together they managed to carry him to Giles', although it wasn't easy. 

Without bothering to knock, the two burst through the door causing Giles to jump up from the chair where he'd been quietly reading. Buffy and Riley carried Spike over to the couch and laid him down on it, gasping from the effort of carrying him all that way. Giles looked at Spike and then back at Buffy and Riley. 

"Good Lord. What happened?" 

Riley collapsed into a chair, breathing deeply. He didn't have the strength of the Slayer to help him so carrying half of Spike's weight had been twice as difficult as it had been for her. Meanwhile Buffy was explaining what had happened 

"He was complaining of dizziness, weakness and headaches. He thought it might be a spell of some sort." 

"It's not a spell." Said Riley softly. Buffy and Giles turned to face him. "He's dying." 

It took Buffy a moment to register what Riley had said. 

"What?" It came out as almost a whisper. Spike couldn't be dying, he was already dead. 

"The implant." Riley continued. "It was never designed for long term use. It was put into all hostiles in case they escaped, to stop them hurting people. Before Spike, no one had ever escaped. We had airtight security. Anyway, the implant was programmed so that if anything escaped the Initiative and was not recaptured that the implant would eventually destroy them. It's slowly killing his brain cells, eventually his body will just cease to function and that will be the end of it." 

Buffy looked at him in disbelief, with her hand to her mouth in shock. She turned to where Spike was lying peacefully. Spike couldn't die. He was her…well…not exactly a friend, but she couldn't let him die either. But, if the chip was removed, then he would be capable of anything. 

She looked at Giles and the same statements were reflected on her Watcher's face. He had come to tolerate Spike in the time when he had stayed with him. More than anything, he welcomed the help that he gave from time to time. 

"What will we do?" she asked, emotion clogging her voice. 

Riley stood up sharply. "What will we do? What will we do? Nothing, Buffy, he's a vampire. Nothing but a heartless killer. Let him die, its what he deserves!" 

Buffy stood to face Riley as he had begun his tirade, and as he finished she swung a small, but powerful open hand at his face and connected. As the smack resounded, Buffy spoke quietly. "Who are you to decide who will live and who will die? Spike has helped me and you so many times since this chip was implanted. He could have let us die, but he chose to help. Doesn't that mean anything to you?" 

Riley was silent as she finished. "I didn't think so. Get out, Riley." 

Riley looked at her, stunned. "B-Buffy, you can't mean -" 

"I mean it Riley, get out. I'll call you in the morning." 

Still in disbelief, Riley exited through the front door. He kept looking back to see if Buffy would change her mind, but her statement didn't change. When he looked back the last time, Buffy was kneeling down beside Spike and Giles was closing the door. 

As Giles closed the door, Buffy sat on the edge of the couch next to Spike's torso. She smoothed back his shock of platinum blonde hair and looked up at her Watcher. 

"Giles, we can't let him die." 

Giles stood behind the couch and removed his glasses and began to clean them. It was a gesture she was used to. He only did it when he was nervous. "Buffy. I'm sure you are aware of the consequences if the chip is removed. He will become a killer again. You and I both know it. And that is only if the chip can be removed. Didn't you say that the Initiative doctor wasn't even able to do it?" 

Buffy nodded miserably as she watched pain etch across Spike's face. The chip was hurting him again. She guessed he was lucky that he was unconscious for it this time. She thought about all that she and Spike had shared in the time that she knew him. They had been allies against Angelus, and many times after that. He had been her friend. Yes, friend. She laughed without humour to herself. She was already thinking of him as if he was dead. 

"There must be something we can do, Giles." 

"I really don't know what we can do, Buffy. Go home, get some sleep and we can talk this over in the morning." 

Buffy shook her head. "I'm staying right here." 

With that, she sat herself down in the plush chair across from the couch and continued to watch Spike who remained unconscious. 

Giles stared at her with concern, but when she refused to look at anything besides Spike, he shrugged his shoulders and sat down at his desk to continue what he was reading before Buffy and Riley had burst in. 

As Buffy woke, she shielded her eyes from the triangle of sun that was streaming through the window and onto her face. She glanced over to the couch to make sure that Spike was still there. He wasn't. She flew to the couch and patted it. As the clouds of dust puffed up to sting her eyes, she knew that it was too late for her to save him. 

As she sat and stared at the couch glumly, a hand came down on her shoulder. "What's the matter, love? I thought you'd be overjoyed at my passing." 

Buffy turned to see that it was indeed Spike, staring down at her with a gentle look in his eyes. She jumped up, threw her arms around him and almost knocked the mugful of pig's blood that he held out of his hands. She pulled away, but still he held her. The look on his face was unreadable, but he looked a little bit better than he did last night. She was sure that he was going to say something that would make her want to hit him. She grinned at him, put a finger to his lips and said teasingly, "Shut up, Spike." 

"Buffy! What are you doing?" Riley ran in the door shouting. 

"Riley! Haven't you ever heard of knocking? It works you know." Buffy whirled and said to him, her voice as hard as nails. Without turning, she continued in the same tone, "Spike, go to the kitchen, I have to talk to Riley alone." 

Spike looked at her like he was going to protest. Finally, he moved off to Giles' kitchen. It wasn't as if he couldn't hear the argument from there anyway. 

Satisfied that they were partially alone, Buffy began. She knew that Spike could hear the conversation, she just wanted to do it without having to look at him make silly faces behind Riley's back or listening to his cheers as they argued. "Why were you following me last night?" 

Riley looked at her desperately. He really wanted to ask her why she was in Spike's arms. He decided against it, sensing her mood and said, "Buffy, you know I worry about you. I can't stand the idea of you patrolling alone." 

She sighed and looked away. This was the same argument they had been having since he'd had the surgery to fix his heart. 

"And you know that I don't want anything to happen to you because you're with me." She looked up at him and continued, "This isn't something that we can agree to disagree on Riley. I don't know what I would do if you got killed because I couldn't defend you." 

That much was true. But, Buffy couldn't help but wonder what her life would be like without Riley. No, she didn't want him dead, but, lately, she was beginning to feel smothered by him. Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of glass breaking in the kitchen. 

"Spike." She whispered. 

All thoughts of her and Riley were abandoned as she threw the open the door to the kitchen. She saw Spike twitching where he had fallen and spattered blood that Buffy was sure wasn't only pig's blood. 

She quickly knelt at his side, he'd fallen on top of the shattered mug and was now bleeding from several cuts on his arms and face. 

"Spike," She whispered gently. "Can you hear me?" 

A small moan was the only response. Seeing him like this only heightened her resolve to help him, if he became what he was before then she'd just have to deal with it. She'd fought Angelus, she could easily take down Spike if she had to. Looking up at Riley who was stood in the doorway she motioned for him to help her and together they carried Spike back to the couch. Deja vu. Buffy went back into the kitchen and pulled a first aid kit out of one of the cupboards before sitting at Spike's side. His shirt was drenched with the blood from the mug that he'd fallen in. She took it off him, trying her best not to jar him, which would only cause him more pain. She put the shirt on the floor, she'd wash it later. Pulling out a bottle of disinfectant and some gauze she began to clean and bind his cuts. Riley sat in silence, watching her. Spike's eyes fluttered open. 

"Slayer." He whispered, his voice laced with pain. "Make it stop.... please?" 

Spike had never asked for anything like this before, he'd never begged. She took his hand and he squeezed it tightly as another wave of pain went through him. 

"I'll help you. I promise." She said. 

Spike managed a weak smile before closing his eyes and loosening his grip on her hand. Buffy stood up and turned around to face Riley who was still staring at her. He couldn't believe that she'd just told Spike she'd help him. 

"I know you don't agree with helping Spike, but I am not going to sit here and let him die. I can't." 

"I may have a solution." Said Giles who had just walked through the front door and had caught the tail part of Buffy and Riley's conversation. "I've been researching with Willow and I believe we may have found something." 

"You can save him?" Asked Buffy hopefully. 

"Not as such, but if we can get this chip removed there may be something we can do to solve the problem of him killing again." When Buffy only gave him a puzzled look, he held up a thick pile of what looked like old manuscripts. 

"A spell." He explained, seeing her puzzled statement. "If we can successfully remove the chip from Spike's head then what I have here will restore his soul."

Buffy stared at him in disbelief. She thought that Willow had destroyed the Spell after she'd restored Angel's soul. With Angel in Hell she'd felt that leaving a curse that powerful around could be dangerous.

"Are you sure?" 

"In all my time as Watcher I've learned that you can never be sure of anything, but yes, I have reason to believe that it will work." 

"What if it doesn't?" Asked Riley who was beginning to think that Buffy and Giles were both insane. "You could end up with a ruthless killer on your hands." 

"That's a chance I'm willing to take." Snapped Buffy. "Unlike you I have a conscience and I'm not going to sit by and let someone I could have saved die." 

Giles nodded. "If the spell should fail, Buffy is more than capable of killing Spike should she have to." 

"Really? Come on Buffy, I've seen the way you look at him. If this spell doesn't work are you really going to be able to take him down? I heard about what happened with Angel. How many people he had to kill before you worked up the guts to finish him off." 

Buffy looked as if she was about to vomit. How could he say this to her? There was a similar statement on Giles' face as Riley's words recalled what had happened to Jenny. He strode over to the younger man and hit him with all his strength knocking him to the floor 

"Get out of my house." He hissed, tears in his eyes. Riley climbed to his feet, holding his jaw. 

"I'm sorry." He said. "But you guys don't seem to be thinking straight." 

Buffy came to her senses as Giles moved in ready to forcibly throw Riley out of the front door. 

"Giles, wait. We need him." 

Giles let go of Riley's arm and took a step back. Buffy walked over and grabbed both his arms. 

"Riley, if you care about me at all you'll help me do this. You have to trust me. I need you to get in touch with the Initiative, tell them about Spike and what we want to do. I don't care what it takes, you have to get them to help him." 

Riley found himself nodding dumbly. If any one else had asked him to do this he would have refused straight away, but he couldn't bear the fact that he was hurting Buffy. He would do anything for her. 

"I'll go and call them." He said quietly. 

Buffy sighed with relief. 

"Thank you." 

Buffy sat down at the edge of the couch next to Spike and took his hand in hers. He looked so tranquil. For the first time, Buffy wondered what kind of man he had been when he had been alive. She looked up at Giles and asked, "So how will this spell work? Is it the same as the one we used on Angel?" 

"Like I said, Buffy, I have reason to believe that this spell will work. It's slightly different than the curse Willow used, but the effect should be the same. We were searching through the books that I keep in my office rather than on display, " he began. 

Buffy was nodding, with a slight look of boredom in her eyes. 

"Well I'll skip the details, then. Suffice to say, this spell is actually a ritual that will essentially raise a dead person. It is usually done within a week of the person's passing because theoretically, the soul is still nearby. But we know that Angel had gone more than a hundred years before his soul was returned to him so we know that Spike's soul must still be around too. That is just the first obstacle." 

"The real problem is that in all accounts of this spell being performed, it has never been performed on a vampire. We don't know what the ramifications of that will be. If it works the way it is supposed to, Spike will have his human soul restored to him." 

"And if it doesn't?" she asked, staring down at the unlined face of her one-time enemy. 

"I don't know." Giles replied. 

Throughout the day, they had taken turns watching over Spike, making him drink from a mugful of blood that they had kept warm all day whenever he briefly regained consciousness. Anya had opened the shop that morning and Willow had stayed there to study the spell. Spike hadn't woken in more than two hours and Buffy's worry was turning slowly into fear. She was afraid that he wouldn't wake up again, ever. 

Somehow, in the few hours between going to meet Riley at the coffee shop and this morning at Giles' house, something had changed. Also, something Riley had said, before Giles struck him, tugged at her mind. How did she look at Spike? She never thought she looked at him in any particular way. They bickered almost constantly. She thought that they couldn't stand each other. Buffy's thoughts were interrupted as she heard him call out to her. 

"Buffy?" He made a motion for her to come closer to him. 

She leaned near, his voice was barely above a whisper. "Yes, Spike?" 

He looked into her face, his eyes full of something that Buffy couldn't understand. "I'm dying, love." 

"Shh. No you're not. Here, drink this," she replied brightly, trying to hand him the mug. 

Spike pushed the mug away and she set it back down on the table where she sat. In the same motion, he clasped her hand and wouldn't let it go. She stared at her hand in his and back into his face. His face now bore a faint resemblance to the one he wore when they argued. "I am so, Soldier-Boy said so." 

Buffy smiled sadly. It had been hours since Riley left to find help. He hadn't called and for all she knew, he could be at her home, convincing her mother to commit her to an insane asylum. "You are not going to die," she repeated, with as much conviction as she could muster. 

Spike managed a small grateful smile, but continued. "I think that I am. Buffy, before I go, there's something that I have to tell you. I -- " 

They both looked up startled as the telephone began to ring. They stared at it blankly until Giles walked into the room, staring at them because they hadn't answered it yet. They both knew that this would probably be the call which meant the difference between life and death for Spike. 

Finally, Giles reached out and removed the phone from its cradle and placed it between his ear and shoulder so that he could play with the cord with both hands. 

"Hello?" he answered. "Yes, Riley, we've been waiting for you." 

Together, Buffy and Spike glanced at each other hopefully. Giles turned and tented the cord over his head so that he could lean down to write something down. 

"Yes. Yes. Where? Oh, I see. Right, then. We'll pick up Willow and see you in half an hour." 

Giles turned to face the others, fully aware that they'd heard his conversation. 

"It's time." He said. "We're to pick up Willow and meet Riley at the hospital. He arranged for the most capable Initiative doctor to attempt the procedure. We need to go now. I'll go and get the car started." 

Giles put his coat on, picked up his keys and walked out of the front door. Buffy looked back at Spike. 

"I guess we should get going. Do you think you can stand?" 

He nodded and climbed shakily to his feet but that was as far has he made it. The last of his strength leaving him he lurched forward and was only prevented from collapsing completely by Buffy's ever alert reflexes. She caught him and managed to steady him before pulling one of his arms around her shoulder, allowing him to lean on her. Half carrying him they walked out to the car together and climbed in. Feeling almost exhausted just from the effort of walking to the car Spike snuggled down next to Buffy and rested his head on her shoulder. She absently stroked the back of his hand, desperate to soothe him in any way she could. 

Giles made record time to the shop where Willow was stood outside waiting. She quickly climbed in and gasped when she saw Spike's almost grey complexion. 

"Don't worry Buffy." She said, desperate to comfort her friend. "I'm sure the doctor will be able to help him." 

Buffy nodded numbly, only half listening to what Willow was saying. All she cared about was getting to the hospital as soon as possible. 

Again Giles sped as fast as it was legally possible to do and they soon arrived. Willow helped Buffy to carry Spike who was now barely conscious and Riley met them in the foyer. He quickly ushered them into an elevator and took them up to the floor where the doctor was due to meet them. Sure enough he was stood in the corridor waiting for them. He took one look at Spike and frowned. 

"There isn't much time. If we're to stand any chance of saving him then we need to operate now." 

Motioning for them to follow he walked into a nearby room which already prepared for the operation. There were a number of gruesome looking instruments laid out on a table which Buffy tried her hardest not to look at as she helped Spike to lie on the operating table. Meanwhile Riley helped the doctor into his operating gown while he filled a syringe with a clear substance. 

Spike took Buffy's hand and pulled her down so that she was at eye height with him. 

"I didn't tell you what I wanted to say earlier on." He said quietly, doing his best to stay awake. 

"We don't have time for this!" Yelled the doctor as he walked over. Buffy stood up and took a step back as he injected Spike's arm. 

"You'll need to wait outside. What I'm going to do has never been done before and I need absolute concentration." 

"You can tell me when you wake up." She said to Spike softly, giving him one final glance before walking out of the door, closing it behind her. 

"I love you." Spike whispered before the drugs took effect and he was aware of nothing. 

As Buffy stepped into the corridor she saw Giles, Riley and Willow sat on three chairs. Buffy walked over to Riley and took his hand 

"Thank you for doing this." 

"You know I'd do anything for you Buffy. Even something which I don't think is right." 

Ignoring his last comment she turned to face Giles 

"What do we do now?" 

"It's too dangerous to attempt the spell while Spike is undergoing surgery. For now, we wait." 

Buffy sat down dejectedly. She hated waiting. 

Hours passed. Riley, Giles and Willow drifted in and out of sleep but Buffy couldn't close her eyes for a minute. She spent the time walking to and from the coffee machine and pacing up and down the corridor. Finally the door opened and the doctor emerged looking exhausted. Buffy ran up to him. 

"How did it go?" 

"I've managed to remove the chip." He sighed. "But there's no way of telling exactly what his condition is until he wakes up. " 

"Can I see him?" 

"Yes, but don't expect to see any miracles. He'll probably be unconscious for quite a while." 

Buffy nodded and quietly walked into the hospital room. Pulling a chair over to the side of the bed she sat down beside him and took his hand. 

"Come on Spike." She urged. "I know better than anyone how strong you are. I know you can beat this." 

After a while, his eyes fluttered open and gazed quietly into hers. This was a day he had dreamed of since the chip was implanted. It was finally gone. He tried to recall all of his plans of mayhem and destruction but somehow, they all seemed worthless. Echoes of the past, they no longer had any bearing on the future. 

Here was Buffy, the woman that he loved, right in front of him, waiting for him to say something. He had to make sure it was something good. He didn't think he could survive if she hated him again. Literally. One word that she didn't like and he would be nothing but a pile of dust. 

"I'm alright, love. Can't say as much about my head. It still hurts a bit." There, he thought to himself. Nothing there that was stake worthy. And wonders of wonders, she was smiling at him and drawing him into a careful hug. As she held him, something made him say to her, "Careful, pet. I can bite you now." 

She drew away from him and looked at him. Stupid! Bloody stupid! He thought to himself. To his amazement, her smile only broadened. "We'll take care of that later," she replied. "What was it that you wanted to tell me?" 

Spike mustered up what little strength he had. He reached across himself and took Buffy's hand. He gazed into her eyes and they stared questioningly back at him. He saw a faint flicker of apprehension in her face and hesitated. "Buffy, I don't know how to say this. I don't even know when it happened. I'm pretty sure it didn't have anything to do with the chip either." 

He looked at her and she nodded, not really knowing what he was going to say next, but the look he had seen in her eyes earlier was gone. Cheered a little, he looked down at his hand stroking hers as it lay against his chest and continued. "Buffy. I love you." 

Silence. He could hear the clock ticking in the corner. He could hear her heartbeat. It was much faster than it had been before. He looked up tentatively to see her reaction. He braced himself for her fury, but all he received was a thoughtful glance. 

Right then, the Initiative doctor pushed the door open, flipping through some papers on his clipboard. "Miss Summers? You'll have to go now. The patient needs to rest." 

Buffy nodded to him and got up out of the chair beside Spike's bed. She exited, followed by the doctor, turned to Spike and once again gave him that thoughtful look. He wondered what it meant. 

She made her way to where everyone had been waiting and was promptly surrounded. She turned to Giles. He had only one question, "The spell?" 

Buffy nodded silently and watched as the two of them entered the room with all of their magic paraphernalia. She took Riley's hand and led him back to the chairs. She sat and coaxed him to do so as well. She turned in the chair so that she was facing him directly. 

"Riley. I want to thank you for what you did for me, for Spike today." Buffy began. 

Riley smiled gently. "I already told you I would do anything for you. I love you Buffy." 

Without waiting for a reply, he moved his head closer to hers to draw her into a kiss. She turned her head and looked down. "That's just it, Riley. I-" 

"What, Buffy?" he asked, concerned. 

She looked at him with tears in her eyes. She knew that she had to do this. She knew even before she had seen Spike last night in that alleyway. She just didn't know that this was going to hurt so much. She knew that she was more in love with the idea of Riley and what kind of life he could present to her than she was with Riley himself. He was nothing but unfailingly sweet, constantly dependable, distressingly mortal. She knew that he would be heading to nothing but his own death if he stayed with her. 

When she didn't answer, he asked softly, "Do you--do you still love me?" 

Tears began to spill. "I do! I do. I love you too much but not enough. I'm sorry, Riley." 

Riley released his hand from hers and stared at her, his statement unreadable. "I should have known," he said to her, his voice as cold as ice. He turned from her walked down the hallway towards the elevator, never once looking back.

Buffy watched until he was out of sight before burying her head in her hands and sobbing softly.

Spike managed a small smile as he saw Willow and Giles enter the room, although he was slightly disappointed that Buffy wasn't with them. He wondered how she was reacting to what he'd told her, probably having a laugh about it with Captain Cardboard right now.

"Hey Spike." Said Willow as cheerfully as she could, seeing a slightly sad expression in his eyes but not knowing the cause of it. She'd expected him to be delighted now that he could kill again. Still, that's why they were there, to make sure that no killing happened. Giles walked over to her and whispered in her ear

"Perhaps a small sleep spell for Spike? I don't want him disturbing the ritual."

Willow nodded and walked over to Spike's bedside, laying her hand on his forehead

Spike looked confused.

"Red, what are you doing?"

"Intervigilum" She said softly, the Latin word for sleep. Immediately Spike's eyes drooped shut and his head lolled gently to one side. 

"Sleep well." She said, stroking his hair and smiling both at the fact that her spell had worked and that Spike actually looked peaceful for the first time in a long while. Walking back over to the centre of the room she knelt beside Giles who was busy setting up the ingredients for the spell.

"Well done." He said approvingly. It still amazed him how much Willow's magical abilities had progressed in the short time that she'd been practising Wicca. Willow glanced down at what Giles was preparing.

"Are we ready?"

When he nodded she took his hands in hers and they began to focus their energy. This spell was going to take a lot of effort. Slowly they began to chant.

As Spike slept he dreamt of Buffy, that she was holding him, kissing him. He felt so happy being with her, so loved. As he moved in to kiss her again her face suddenly changed into that of a young girl he'd killed years ago, her eyes screaming accusations at him, then it changed into another, and another. He was being bombarded with the faces of every single person that he'd killed as a vampire and it was the most horrific thing he'd ever seen. A montage of cries, screams and plea's, all of which he'd ignored at the time.

"No," he murmured, beginning to toss in his sleep. Where was Buffy? She'd protect him from this nightmare. The faces kept coming, each more vivid and horrific than the one before it.

"NO!" he cried, desperate to make it stop. Every torture he'd ever inflicted was coming back to haunt him as though they were being performed on himself.

Giles and Willow continued to chant, doing their best to blot out the screams and cries coming from Spike's bed. Finally it was over and they climbed wearily to their feet. Glancing over at Spike they saw his face contorting as he dreamt, a single tear rolling down his cheek. There was nothing more they could do, except be supportive when he woke up. There were going to be difficult months ahead for the vampire. Leaving as quietly as they could, they stepped back into the corridor.

Buffy looked up when she heard the door open and found herself looking at two drained and exhausted pairs of eyes.

"It's done." Was all Giles said and Buffy nodded.

"Where's Riley?" Asked Willow looking around.

"Gone." Was the only reply she got and she knew better than to push. It was obvious that Buffy had been crying and she knew she'd tell her what had happened when she was ready. A wave of exhaustion washing over her she leaned heavily on Giles. She felt like she could sleep forever.

"I'd better take you home." Said Giles. "We could both use some rest. Buffy would you mind sitting with Spike for a while. He's going to need to see a familiar face when he wakes up."

Nodding Buffy walked into the room and sat down beside the bed. Spike was lying still but it was evident that he'd been crying. Part of her almost regretted having to put him through this but she knew there was no other way.

"Slayer? Is that you?" He whispered, not opening his eyes.

"It's me." She said softly, taking his hand to reassure him of her presence.

"I feel weird." He opened his eyes and looked up at her, a pained and almost lost expression on his face.

"I know, we gave you back your soul"

"It hurts." He whispered, squeezing her hand a little more tightly.

She knew he was talking about emotional pain rather than physical. 

"I'm sorry, there was no other way. We had to make sure you wouldn't start killing people again."

Tears began to roll down Spike's cheeks as her remembered all the faces that he'd seen in his dream. Buffy gently wipes his tears with her hand.

"Hey, it's alright, I'm here for you."

Spike smiled gently and lifted her hand to his lips, kissing it softly before setting it down on top of his chest. The two sat in silence for a minute and Buffy couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't quite right. Suddenly she gasped and pulled her hand away as though it had been burned.

"What is it?" Asked Spike, concerned that he'd made her uncomfortable with his kiss. Buffy's eyes were wide with shock as she tentatively reached forward and put her hand back on his chest.

"Your heart" she whispered. "It's beating."


	2. Part 2

Title: The Truth of the Matter 

Author: Hilary & Heidi 

E-mail: ImmortalBeloved2000@yahoo.co.uk and angelus0@hotmail.com 

Posted: 8th March 2001

Rating: PG 

Pairings: B/R, B/S 

Spoilers: General Season 5 post Out Of My Mind 

Summary: When Spike's chip threatens his life Buffy and the gang must make a difficult decision 

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to any of these characters. It all belongs to Joss and co. 

Feedback: YES PLEASE!!!! 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 

Giles sat down on the couch heavily and took off his glasses. He retrieved the handkerchief from his pocket and concentrated on cleaning the imaginary smudges from the spectacles. He drew a deep breath and surveyed the two people in front of him. Well, he thought to himself, a person and something that was quite like a person, but now he wasn't sure. 

"Are you sure?" he asked wearily. 

Buffy nodded, drawing Spike closer to herself and Giles. "You can feel his chest for yourself if you want," she offered. 

"No, no. That's quite alright," Giles replied distractedly. He and Willow had discussed the ritual that took place at the hospital earlier that morning. They were both confidant that it had worked. Now Buffy and Spike were telling him otherwise, that something had gone awry. 

"Tell me then," Spike asked quietly, "What am I?" 

He was still in shock. He hadn't expected the pain of knowing he had ended countless lives. He thought about it and thought about it until he finally came to his own conclusion. He could never take back all the evil that he had done, and there was no point in brooding over it. Becoming like Angel wasn't going to solve anything. 

He stole a glance at Buffy as she waited for Giles' answer. She had stayed with him from the time he had woken up until he was released from the hospital. The doctor had been surprised at how quickly he had healed and released him early. Through their walk to her Watcher's home, they spoke about nothing at all, but the silence was companionable. 

"I don't know," Giles replied, breaking into Spike's thoughts. "Technically speaking, you are no longer a vampire. You did say that you walked here, and it is still daytime. But, you healed so quickly that the doctor had to release you early." Giles added thoughtfully. 

"What about the rest?" he asked. 

"Rest?" Spike asked, not following. 

"Strength? Speed? Instincts? What about those?" Giles pressed. 

Spike shook his head. "I don't know." 

Buffy looked from Spike to Giles and back to Spike again. She thought about what he had told her before Giles and Willow went through the ritual. Riley had said that the chip was causing the degeneration of Spike's brain cells. Could that have been responsible for his outburst? She backed up in her thoughts and came to rest on Riley. She hadn't seen or spoken to him since he walked out of the hospital. He just didn't understand. If they stayed together, he would be hurt or killed by something just because that something wanted to get to her. She just couldn't have that on her conscience. 

She looked at Spike again. She couldn't shake the fear that it could be him getting hurt because of her. Her mind lingered on that thought and she decided that she didn't like the idea of that either. He had gotten under her skin in the time since he had gotten the chip installed in his head. She was pretty sure that it wasn't love that she felt, but she cared enough about him to call him a friend. 

Forcing a smile she didn't feel, she spoke up. "Enough with the doom and gloom already. Giles, is there a way you can figure out what happened with the ritual?" 

Giles looked up, startled. "Well, I suppose –" 

"Good," Buffy interrupted. She turned to Spike, who was smiling because she was, although a little uncertainly, and grabbed his arm. "Let's go." 

Spike allowed himself to be dragged away by Buffy, partially because he enjoyed being with her and partially because he wasn't sure what he was meant to do with himself now. There was no way he could go on living in the crypt now that he was human. He'd have to find somewhere decent to live, and he'd need to get money too. This was going to complicate things a lot so he tried not to think about it. 

"Slayer, where are we going?" He was still trying to get used to the fact that he could walk in the daylight. He remembered back to the time when he'd found the Ring of Amarra and had fought with Buffy in broad daylight, that had been just before the Initiative had got hold of him which had ended any plans he'd had of killing her. And now here he was, human and in love with the girl who he'd tried to kill on several occasions. He doubted his life could get any stranger. 

Buffy chose not to answer his question instead she carried on walking in silence, her hand still on his arm. It was clear that Giles had no idea what had happened to Spike so it was up to her to try and find some answers herself. They soon arrived at the magic shop which, luckily for her was empty. She could hear Anya rustling in the back room, probably looking for some stock to fill up the shelves with. Quickly ducking past she pulled Spike into the room which she and Giles used for training purposes. 

Spike looked puzzled. This wasn't really where he'd expected her to bring him. He looked around at the assortment of weapons and gymnastic equipment. 

"Well Slayer, I figured you wanted to be alone with me but this place isn't exactly first date material now is it?" 

Buffy rolled her eyes. It seemed that despite having his soul back and being human, Spike was the same as he always was, minus the killing of course. 

"Spike, shut up." She said teasingly. "We're here to get some answers. Giles wants to know where your strengths are and we're going to find out." She pulled off her jacket and threw it on the floor. "Hit me." 

Spike raised an eyebrow in surprise. "What?" 

"I said hit me." Buffy watched as Spike hesitated. "Come on! You're not going to hurt me. Hit me! We need to see how strong you are." 

Spike slowly raised a fist, he really didn't want to do this. 

"No holding back." She said firmly. Finally he nodded and hit her with all his might. The blow sent Buffy flying backwards where she landed in a heap on the floor. 

"Bloody hell." He whispered as he ran over and knelt at her side. Buffy sat up holding her jaw. 

"Well, I guess that answers that question." She smiled. 

"Are you okay?" Asked Spike with concern. He honestly hadn't expected to do that much damage. 

"I'm fine, Slayer strength remember?" said Buffy as she climbed to her feet. "Well, we know you've still got your strength and your healing abilities, there's no way you'd be out of that hospital if you were a regular human. There's just one thing left to do. A fight, you and me. We need to test all your skills and see what you can and can't do." 

Spike nodded and raised his fists. This time neither of them would hold back. He knew it and she knew it. They began to fight. 

Two hours later they both sat against one of the walls in an exhausted silence. The fight had been exhilarating and long. Spike still had the speed, skill and agility of a vampire which begged the question of exactly what he was. Not fully human, but not vampire either. Still, it comforted Buffy to know that Spike could still look after himself and wasn't going to get killed by the first demon that came along. 

"I guess we should go back and see Giles." She said quietly. It was the first time she'd spoken since they'd started fighting. 

"I guess so." Agreed Spike. Neither of them moved. 

They sat in silence for awhile, shoulder to shoulder, not talking. They listened as Anya shuffled around the shop, locking away the till from the register, putting this thing away or that until she finally closed the front door behind her with a bang and locked it from the outside. 

With a sigh, he rose and turned to look down at Buffy. She gazed at his outstretched hand for a moment before taking it in her own and allowing him to help her stand. 

He couldn't help but notice her lithe grace as she stood. His eyes travelled down her, head to toe and he felt the love that had grown for her wash over him untamed. 

Buffy stood before him, letting his piercing eyes graze over her. She felt as though she had never seen him before. The planes and hollows of his face, always dismissed in the past, now came together as she resolved them to the man who stood before her. She felt herself lean into his touch as he carefully traced his fingertips from the edge of her brow to the base of her neck. 

Spike could not believe the emotions that filled his being with such savage joy. Whoever said that demons couldn't feel was only partly wrong. The passions of his being when he was a vampire were there, but now they had been eclipsed. He recalled the love he had borne for Cecily. What he had felt for her still did not compare to the bright consciousness that he felt now. He felt her face move under his touch, ever closer to his and he closed his eyes, wanting to drink in every sensation. He felt his head drift downward and paused. 

After a long moment, he opened his eyes to see Buffy similarly poised. Her eyes opened suddenly and they stayed like that for a few seconds, neither wanting to look away. Finally, he straightened. Clearing his throat, he cast his eyes at their still clasped hands. "We'd better go." 

Not trusting herself to speak, Buffy nodded and led the way to the back door. Making sure that the lock caught behind her, they made their way through the back alley and towards the main road. She felt the faint thrum of his heartbeat as his thumb gently brushed her wrist. 'Why am I still holding his hand?' she thought to herself. For that matter, what had just happened back there? They had fought long and hard and finally collapsed against the wall. But when her hand touched his, something changed. She smiled to herself wryly. 

"Something funny, pet?" Spike asked, lighting a cigarette. He let out an explosion of coughs as he drew in the first bit of smoke, causing her small smile to turn into a burst of full blown laughter. He tried to get a word in as he sputtered, but to his dismay, it only made her laugh harder. He settled for a stern look as he waited for her to calm down. 

When she finally died down to small giggles, she looked up at him, swinging their arms between them. "Things never change do they?" 

"How do you mean?" he asked, genuinely curious. 

She stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and turned to look him in the eye. "You're so stubborn." 

"Hold on a second here. I'M stubborn?" he asked, exasperated. "What about you?" 

She smiled slyly. "I'm not the one who has been smoking for over a hundred years and just tried again for the first time with real lungs, that's all." 

Spike opened his mouth to retort, but surprisingly, nothing came to mind. He just closed it and smiled down at her, pulling her towards him so that they continued walking with his arm around her shoulders and hers around his waist. 

They stopped when they reached Giles' door, neither of them really wanting their time alone to end. Buffy felt like she'd gotten to know Spike more in this one day than she had in all the years that she'd known him before. And if she was honest she was starting to like what she was seeing. 

Spike turned to face her, reaching out his hand and tucking a loose tendril of hair behind her ear. 

"You know, I don't think I ever thanked you for saving my life." He leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips. 

"Thank you." He breathed. 

Before she could respond the door was flung open, to reveal Giles standing in the doorway. The two jumped apart like a couple who had just been caught by the girls parents. Giles seemed oblivious to what he'd just walked in on. 

"There you are." He said with relief. "I was just coming to look for you. I think I may have figured out what has happened to Spike." 

He stepped back, allowing the two to walk in. As they sat down, they unconsciously put a little more distance between them than was necessary. Giles began to notice that they looked a little uncomfortable but put it down to stress and concern. With what had become almost a constant habit, he took off his glasses and began to clean them. 

"It appears that I made a slight mistranslation of the ritual." He began. "Rather than just restoring a vampires soul which is what I originally thought, it actually was used to bring people back from the dead. However, I still don't understand why he has kept his vampiric healing abilities." 

"That's not all he's kept." Chipped in Buffy. "We spent the afternoon in the training room testing Spike's skills. He's still just like a vampire apart from having a soul and not having a demon inside him anymore." 

"Fascinating." Murmured Giles as he stared at Spike for a few minutes. Spike was beginning to feel like an exhibition in the local science museum. 

"Giles, will you stop bloody staring at me." He eventually snapped. "I'm not the sodding Mona Lisa." 

"Sorry." Giles quickly apologised. Spike's words bringing him back to the current situation. "I'll carry on with the research and see if I can find out exactly why this has happened. Spike, you're more than welcome to stay here until you find some permanent accommodation" 

Spike sighed and nodded. He'd have to start looking for somewhere to live as soon as possible. Buffy suddenly had a brainwave. 

"Angel's old apartment is empty. He gave me the keys for it ages ago in case I ever needed it. It's all paid for and he's got some sort of arrangement with a guy so all the bills are covered too. You could move in there." 

Although he didn't like to admit it, Giles was slightly relieved. He remembered how unpleasant it had been last time Spike had stayed with him. Things were a lot different now, but Buffy's plan suited everyone. 

The Slayer stood up. "Giles, keep researching. I'll take Spike round to the apartment and then go out and patrol. I'll come back in the morning." 

Giles nodded and Spike rose to stand beside Buffy. 

"Goodnight Giles." She said before she and Spike left and headed out for Angel's place. 

The walk to Angel's apartment was uneventful and Buffy was beginning to wonder what had happened to the town's normally busy evening activities. Was it just a quiet night or the calm before the storm? Shaking her head out of her reverie, she realised that they had arrived at the apartment. 

She laughed to herself as she produced the keys from her pocket. Since the night Angel had given them to her, she had never removed them from her keychain. She opened the door and memories flew at her from the quiet interior. The night she first met Kendra. Her seventeenth birthday and all of its ramifications. It was enough to make her drop her keys. She dropped to the floor in confusion and retrieved them, ignoring the look that Spike was giving her. 

"Just tired. Long day," she said just a little too quickly, entering the abode. 

Spike hung back and crossed his arms. "You expect me to believe that?" 

Buffy whirled around with a look of hurt and anger stamped onto her face. Spike only looked at her, his eyebrows raised. 

She sighed and gave him a resigned look. "What are you waiting for? An invitation?"

Taking his duster off and slinging it over his shoulder, Spike entered the apartment, taking in the décor. He made a mental list of things he had to do remove the essence of its previous owner. Carelessly, he tossed his coat on the floor and launched himself into the bed. He sprung into a sitting position and bounced a couple times, experimentally. He smiled and looked over at Buffy, who had not moved since she had entered the studio. 

Buffy had been staring blankly from her vantage point in the doorway. It was as if her feet had grown roots and she couldn't move any further into a place which reminded her of all the pain of her junior year of high school. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, she thought to herself. The sound of Spike vaulting onto the bed cut into her thoughts and she forced herself to look in the direction she was trying to avoid. Seeing his infectious smile, she couldn't help but smile a small smile in return and join him. 

As she went forward, sudden tears sprang to her eyes and without hesitation, Spike pulled her arms around his neck and shifted so that she could sit in his lap. He made soft shushing sounds in her ear as he stroked her back and waited for the tide to pass. As he did, he could not help but feel two very conflicting emotions. Rage at the fact that someone had hurt her, even though it was a past hurt and pleasure that she sought comfort in him. 

He had taken a huge risk in kissing her in front of her Watcher's home earlier that night and despite the fact that he was more or less human right now, he still felt the paranoia that she would kill him if he overstepped their bounds. If they had any right now. If he knew what they were. But, he thought to himself, smiling, it was a bloody good kiss. The first they had shared when not under a spell or as a result of his sleeping mind. Her shakes began to dissolve into slight tremors and he looked at her. 

Buffy gazed at him, feeling a bit sheepish at bursting into tears for no apparent reason. She let him brush the last of the wetness from her cheeks and rose to her feet. "We both need some rest." 

Spike nodded and guided her to the door. With a fleeting kiss, she slipped out, promising to stop by in the morning. As he closed the door, Spike turned and leaned against it, cursing Angel's name and mourning because even though she hadn't been gone for more than thirty seconds, he missed his Slayer. 

As Spike's door closed behind her Buffy took a deep breath, she hadn't expected it to be so hard seeing Angel's apartment again. At least Spike had been there. She felt a little embarrassed about crying in front of him, but at the same time she couldn't help but smile at the comfort she'd felt in his arms. Shaking her head she began to walk towards the cemetery for patrol. A few slays later she was ready to go home. 

As she climbed into bed her mind began to wander over the day's events. She still couldn't believe that Spike was human, more to the point she couldn't believe that he'd told her he loved her, and he'd kissed her. Thinking about it logically it was all a bit weird. They'd fought for so long and until yesterday she'd thought he'd hated her. Maybe the chip really had fried his brain. Sighing she decided to sleep and try not to think about it. 

Buffy awoke feeling quite refreshed and after having some breakfast she decided to go and call on Spike before she went to see Giles. As she walked the short distance to the apartment she wondered how Spike had coped with his first night as a human. Although he hadn't said so, she knew that this must be really hard on him. He was having to change his whole way of life in a very short space of time. She just hoped she could be supportive. 

She knocked on the door and it was quickly opened by Spike. He looked genuinely happy to see her and they both smiled as he stepped back and let her inside. Buffy gasped. She barely recognised the place. It had all been dusted and Angel's various sculptures had been replaced by a TV and the walls were adorned with various posters rather than Angel's paintings. It was all very Spike. 

"Looks like you've been busy." She observed, almost glad that there were hardly any reminders of Angel left. 

Spike shrugged. "I'm still trying to get used to this sleeping at night lark. I was awake so I figured I might as well make the place look a bit more homey." 

Buffy smiled. He seemed to be adjusting to his new life quite well. 

"I just came round to see how you slept. Kind of a dumb question I guess." 

"No it's not, I'm glad you came." 

Buffy felt her face flush red. "Well, I'm going over to Giles' to see how the research is going. You want to come with?" 

Spike nodded before picking up his duster and putting it on. He still wasn't sure what he was meant to do with himself during the day. Buffy had college and researching with Giles wasn't really his idea of fun. Still, he had plenty of time to think about that. 

They remained in silence as they walked. Spike wondered what Buffy was thinking but didn't like to ask. At least she seemed happier than she had yesterday and he was glad that he'd been up all night sorting the apartment out for her. He didn't like to say that it was her tears that had moved him to remove almost all traces of Angel, it was better if she thought that it had just been because he couldn't sleep. The entire lack of sleep was starting to take its toll now but he didn't care. All he cared about was making Buffy happy. 

****** 

Elsewhere, Riley Finn was waking up. He looked around and didn't recognize his surroundings and finally remembered what had happened to him in the past few days. His entire world had been turned upside down and shattered before him. All because of a couple of vampires. Well, one specifically, but the other lurked in the subconscious of everyone around her. He had been liked, loved, hated but always respected. Angel. He had ruined Buffy for anything resembling a normal relationship and thus a relationship with himself and he hated Angel for that. 

Despite all of Buffy's negations of lingering feelings for Angel, Riley knew they were there and he was on the road to accepting them as par for the course if he was going to be with her. He wasn't Superman anymore, but at least he was a man. Alive and capable of giving her a normal life separate from her Slayer lifestyle. Then came Spike. The platinum eighties reject he had first come to know as Hostile 17. 

The Initiative had been destroyed and even though Spike had betrayed Buffy to Adam, she still accepted having him around because he had helped in that last battle. Even the entire Scooby Gang behaved like having a neutered vampire around was a normal thing. Riley just couldn't get over that. Maybe that was why he could never really fit into the gang. That didn't matter to him before. Fitting in with Buffy used to be enough for him and damn everyone else and what they thought of him. 

He had once told her that she was like a jigsaw puzzle and he just had to put together the pieces to figure her out. Now, he felt as though the puzzle pieces were coming together for him and he didn't like the picture. That night not so long ago when she shocked him by announcing that she was engaged to someone 'way old' by the name of Spike. She had denied it later, but all he could think now was how could he have been so blind? 

All of those verbal jabs. The two of them always in the company of the other. Buffy's stalwart refusal to stake Spike simply because he was helpless. The glint in Spike's eyes whenever he spoke of or to Buffy. It was so clear that they were in love. 

A tear rolled down Riley's cheek and he wiped it away angrily. He had helped her. He had helped her help him. All because he thought for sure that he had been wrong. She was a Slayer. Slayers don't fall in love with vampires. Yet, with Buffy, the opposite was true, not once but twice. Riley went on believing it right up until the very second she told him that she didn't love him. Oh, she claimed that she loved him, but he knew that he had lost her; probably never had her to begin with. He was just a plaything between evil undead boyfriends, he thought to himself bitterly. 

He had left the hospital, never once looking back at the face of who he thought was his true love. He went straight to the cemetery, not really knowing why. If he could dust a few vamps he would be happy, but he almost hoped he would be caught. Caught and killed or caught and turned. Either way he wouldn't have to deal Buffy ever again, because he would be dead or she would be. 

Things have a way of never going as planned though. As he'd been fighting a particularly viscous vampire he'd gotten sloppy, the vampire had managed to bite him. He'd felt himself slipping into unconsciousness when the vampire had suddenly turned to dust. He'd looked up, expecting so see Buffy and found himself facing Graham. His friend had helped him to his feet and taken him home. After patching up the wound on his neck, Graham had demanded an explanation. Not wanting to mention the full details he'd just said that it was over between him and Buffy. Graham seemed to understand and it was then that he'd made Riley an offer, one he'd decided to accept 

And now here he was, back in the army and on mission in Belize. Despite the fact that the Initiative had been shut down and destroyed it seemed that the government still had use for demon hunters, especially ones with the high level of training that Riley had. Riley was happy, well as happy as he could be. He was far away from Sunnydale which was good, and far away from Buffy which was better. Plus he was helping people. This town had no Slayer and Riley was more than happy to do his bit to help. With each vampire that he killed he liked to imagine that it was Spike, or Angel. It was a good source of motivation. 

His thoughts subsiding for the moment Riley got up and climbed into his army uniform. He tried not to think about all the protective body armour he was required to wear, compared with Buffy who was equipped to slay in whatever she was wearing. Charging up his blaster he went to the main base to report in. 

Thirty minutes later, after the briefing he was on his way to small area on the edge of town. There had been reports of people going missing during the night and their bodies being found with their throats torn out. Clearly the work of a vampire, Riley was going to find it during the day and kill it while it slept. Not really fair play, but then, when were demons known to play fair? 

After talking to the local townspeople he'd managed to more or less pinpoint the vampires location. A small hut, separate from the rest of the area. The family which lived there hadn't been seen for days, but their bodies hadn't been found either. Riley guessed that the vampire had hidden the corpses to disguise the fact that it had killed them. 

Stealthily Riley walked in and was met buy the obvious shape of a person in the bed. He walked over to have a look and was quite surprised by what he saw. She was more beautiful than any vampire he'd seen before, her pale skin contrasted by the dark hair which was spilled across the pillow. 

Suddenly the girl opened her eyes and looked up at him. She smiled, and it wasn't the smile of a ruthless killer, more like that of a small child.

"Look who's come to visit." She said softly and reached up to caress his cheek. He knew that he should move, that he should kill her, but was mesmerised both by her beauty and they way she spoke. 

Suddenly the girl frowned and began to moan. 

"You stink of the Slayer." She wailed. Now it was his turn to frown. 

"You know Buffy? Who are you?" 

The girl stopped wailing and smiled once more. 

"Drusilla." 

Riley continued to stare at Drusilla as she rose from the bed. Unafraid, he allowed her to stroke his face. Her eyes were closed and she began to sway. 

"Poor boy. She never loved you. Her heart beats for hearts that don't." 

Her eyes fluttered open and she looked innocently into contorted mask of pain and anger that was his face. 

"Don't. Say. That," he growled in a forbidding tone. 

Her only reply was a giggle. Without warning, her face turned deadly serious and she had Riley pinned against a wall of the hut by his throat. "She took my boy. Maybe I should take hers." 

Riley struggled in her grasp as she morphed into her demon face and moved in to bite. Just as suddenly, she released him with a pout. He fell to the ground and clutched at his throat, gasping for air. He watched as she collapsed onto the bed and put her face into her hands. 

"But he isn't here," she wailed mournfully. 

Breathing normally now, Riley couldn't help but be moved by this being's tears. He sat down on the bed next to her. She looked up at him and ran the tips of her nails around his cheeks in slow sensuous circles. 

"The moon whispers in pretty colors. But the moon needn't tell me that the Slayer has my Spike." 

Riley nodded as he stared into the bottomless pools of her eyes. 

"She hurt you." 

Another nod and she brought her face closer to his. His mind screamed at him to get away and quickly. This was a vampire! Why are you letting her get so close? But, to his surprise, she bypassed his neck to whisper in his ear. 

"You want to hurt her too." 

Riley jerked his head back and broke the connection between them, his eyes never leaving hers. He shook his head slowly, eyes squeezed shut. She brought her legs up from the floor and tucked them under her and leaned into him, placing her hand on his chest. She spoke, lips a whisper away from his. 

"Your head lies, pretty tin soldier. I see the truth in your heart." 

Riley's mind raced. No, he told himself, that's not true. I love Buffy. I would never want to hurt her. A new voice spoke up. It laughed at him. What has that love gotten you? Nothing! You gave her everything, your heart, your body, your soul, and she took it with a nod and ran into the arms of the nearest vampire. She doesn't deserve to be happy after what she put you through. He recalled his waking thoughts of wanting Buffy dead. That's right, buddy, the voice continued. She doesn't even deserve to live. He nodded along with the voice and opened his eyes to find Drusilla's gaze boring into him. 

"I want to hurt the nasty Slayer too," Drusilla sighed. 

She collapsed against him with her head in his shoulder. She wrapped her arms around his neck. He stroked her hair and held her like a child. The voice in his mind that protested his proximity to a vampire was drowned out by the overwhelming satisfaction of holding her. 

She tipped her head up to his and he took her offer. The last bit of the old Riley Finn, the voice that had been quelled several times in the last few minutes, the voice that had been protesting quietly up until now, shrieked a denial in his mind as his lips roamed over hers. 

Vampire or not, she needed him right now and that feeling drowned out all else. All else except his new desire for revenge. Vengeance was the language of the new voice. For the pain that Buffy had caused him, for sending him into the arms of his enemy, for destroying all that he was. She would pay. 

****** 

"So we're still no closer?" Questioned Buffy as Giles sighed and put his head in his hands. He'd been researching all night and had drawn a blank, now the exhaustion was beginning to show itself. 

"Buffy, I'm sorry. There's just no record of anything even remotely like this having happened before, I don't know what else to tell you." 

Spike remained silent throughout this conversation. Like Giles, he was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to just sleep. Now was not the time though, he needed to stay focused, he had to find out what had happened to him. He needed to know what he was. 

"Buffy, pet, it's alright." He assured, sensing the frustration in her voice. "Me and Giles will keep on reading. You go off to college and maybe we'll have something for you by the time you finish." 

Aware that there was nothing more she could do Buffy nodded. She'd missed enough classes as it was and Willow was beginning to have a hard time covering for her. 

"I'll meet you guys later." She said. 

Giles nodded. "Meet us at the shop when you're ready. There are some more texts there which Spike and I can look through today." 

Shooting Spike a reassuring smile Buffy nodded once more before leaving. Giles sighed deeply before looking up at Spike. The former vampire was still staring at the door which Buffy had just left through, already feeling like a part of him was missing. Giles saw the vampire's pained statement and attributed it to the strain of everything that had happened over the last couple of days. 

"How are you….coping?" Giles asked, trying to think of a suitable word. 

Hearing the Watcher speak, Spike snapped his head round, his thoughts of Buffy broken. He shrugged. 

"I'm alright, well as alright as I can be I suppose." Unable to stop himself he continued. "Buffy's been a great help." 

Giles merely smiled. He'd noticed how Buffy had taken good care of Spike, despite all that had happened between them in the past. He was proud of her, she'd grown so much as a person since he'd first met her. 

"Yes, she is a remarkable girl." He mused. 

"That she is," Agreed Spike. "So, it's a day of fun research for the boys today. Are we going to the shop now?" 

Giles nodded and picked up his coat. 

****** 

"So, how's Spike doing?" Whispered Willow during one of their more boring classes. 

"He seems to be dealing," replied Buffy. The truth was that she didn't really know how he was doing. Spike had gone through a lot over the last couple of days but he seemed to be acting like nothing was wrong. She wasn't sure if he was genuinely OK or if he just wasn't letting it show. 

"I'm not sure though." She admitted, "Sometimes I really wonder what's going on inside his head." 

"This can't be easy for him." Agreed Willow. "I guess all we can do is be there when he needs us." 

Willow couldn't believe she was saying this about Spike of all people. He'd tried to kill them on several occasions, but since getting the chip she'd found herself liking him a little more. He could still be a pain but she had noticed that he'd changed. 

Buffy nodded. "I'm meeting him and Giles at the Magic Shop later. They're still trying to figure out what's happened with the spell." 

Willow nodded. "Tara and I will come and help with the research later, I told her what happened and she's never heard of anything like this either. I haven't seen Xander yet but I'm guessing if Giles told Anya then he'll know what's going on too. 

"I think it's best if the whole gang knows." Agreed Buffy. "I know that not everyone is keen on Spike, I wasn't keen on him myself until this happened, but I think the more people that are there to help him through this the better. 

****** 

Spike sighed loudly and threw the latest book back on the table. Nothing. They'd been looking through books all day and they'd found nothing. This was ridiculous. Giles looked similarly frustrated. It was obvious that they were both tired and this was clearly getting them nowhere. 

"What do you say Giles, coffee break?" 

Spike had found that since becoming human he'd developed a bit of a taste for caffeine, it also helped to keep him awake which was also a definite plus. 

"I couldn't possibly drink that dreadful stuff," replied Giles. "But a break would be nice." 

"That settles it then. Demon-girl can watch the shop while we're out." 

Giles nodded and after telling Anya that he and Spike were popping out for a short while they left. 

A few hours later found the magic shop closed, but still full of people. The entire gang sans Giles and Spike had gathered to go through the texts in Giles' possession. 

"You would think, that after the zillions of hours we've spent researching other stuff, we would know these books backwards and forwards." Xander commented. 

"These are different books, Xander." Willow replied in a 'duh' tone. 

"Does anyone else think that this is the first time in recorded history this has ever happened?" Buffy asked, to which everyone nodded emphatically and closed their respective volumes with sighs of relief. 

"M-maybe there was something in the spell that we missed." Tara spoke up for the first time that night. She looked up and noticed everyone staring at her and realized that she had spoken out loud. 

"But, sweetie, we've been through it a hundred times. What could have gone wrong?" Willow asked with a furrowed brow. 

"A-hem!" Anya cleared her throat loudly. "Am I the only one who's happy about not being the newest member of humanity?" She looked around, hopeful. No response. Blank looks. 

"Sorry, hon, I sorta got over that about twenty years ago." Xander replied comfortingly. 

The mood broken, everyone looked grimly at the stacks of books in the 'unread' pile, when the door slammed open. 

To everyone's shock, Giles and Spike entered the shop laughing hysterically and still attempting a conversation. 

"So I said – what do you mean this is marshmallow fluff?" Spike concluded between guffaws and gasps for air. 

Giles wiped his eyes and replaced his glasses to notice that everyone at the table was staring at the two men with disbelief. 

"What?" he asked innocently. 

The gang eyed each other uncomfortably until Xander spoke up. "We're just not used to you making with the ha-ha." 

Giles had been looking more and more flustered and embarrassed. "Well, Spike can be quite humorous," he replied with a dignified air. He seated himself at the table and began to flip through a book that was in the 'read' pile. 

"Have we made any progress?" he queried. 

"Not unless you count 'none', 'nada' and 'zilch' as progress." Buffy countered. 

"We even cross-referenced." Willow added helpfully. 

"So nobody knows what I am." Spike interrupted from the place he had taken on the countertop. "Fine. I'm tired of all of this researching. If any higher powers send down a flash of insight, you will all promise that I will be the first to know. But for now, let's forget it, Ok?" 

"Spike, I hardly think that it's prudent-" Giles began. 

Spike favoured him with a sly grin. "You're hardly one to talk about prudence." 

Giles gave Spike a withering look but remained silent. The ex-vampire hopped off of the countertop and moved over to the table and stood behind Buffy. "Now, let's go have some fun. Who's game?" 

The gang looked at each other. Spike evidently had decided that he didn't mind not knowing what had happened to him, and if that meant they got let off doing the research then that was just fine. 

"Spike, are you sure?" Asked Buffy 

He nodded. "One day away from the books isn't going to hurt anyone. Come on, let's go and unwind." 

Before anyone could protest he took Buffy's arm and pulled her out the door. The rest of them shrugged and followed. Half an hour later they were at the Bronze sat around their usual table drinking and laughing. 

"This is much more fun than sitting round a table looking at a load of dusty old books don't you think?" Asked Spike. 

With the exception of Giles they all nodded. A new song began and Spike got to his feet. 

"Come on Slayer, I want to dance." 

Buffy looked at him as if she hadn't heard straight. "What?" 

"I want to dance." He repeated, holding out his hand. 

"Spike…I…." 

"Oh come on!" He insisted, ignoring her protests, pulling her onto the dance floor and into his arms. 

"Relax." He said as he felt her body stiffen. "I won't bite….I can't." 

Buffy couldn't help but laugh at this and she relaxed, allowing them both to sway in time to the music. 

From their table the gang watched with open mouths. 

"Is it just me," Said Xander. "Or does anyone else think its weird seeing Buffy getting all cosy with Spike?" 

"He's different now, he has a soul…plus he's human, I don't see the problem." Replied Willow who was actually quite glad that her friend looked happy, it had been a while since she'd seen her smile, or laugh. 

As the group began talking in earnest about the growing friendship between the Slayer and the ex-vampire they failed to notice a figure moving through the shadows, his eyes fixed intently on Buffy and Spike who in turn seemed oblivious to their surroundings. 

"All I'm saying is that we should be careful." Said Xander. "We still don't know what's happened to him, what if it's only temporary and he goes all psycho again. He hasn't got the chip anymore." 

Giles sighed and wiped his glasses. Xander was right, despite the fact that he's spent a surprisingly enjoyable afternoon with Spike they did need to be careful, they were on uncertain ground here and it was best not to take anything for granted. 

"We'll continue with the research first thing in the morning. Xander's right, until we find out exactly what's happened to Spike we should be careful. I'm fairly sure the effects of the spell will be permanent but we should still try and be on the safe side." 

The group nodded, the good mood of the evening gone. Willow stood up. 

"I'm just going to grab a drink." She said before walking towards the bar. She was halfway there when a large hand gripped her arm tightly. Gasping she looked up. 

"Angel?" 

The music slowed down noticeably and Buffy pulled away from Spike slightly. 

"What's the matter, love?" 

Buffy looked around as if noticing where she was for the first time and up into his eyes. She didn't feel like there was anything wrong, but something had made her move her away from Spike as they danced. "I – I. Nothing." 

She tried to snuggle back into his arms, but this time he held her at an arms distance. "Tell me." 

She felt a prickle at the edge of her senses, but ignored it. Instead, she asked the question that had been plaguing her since they had hit the dance floor. "Where are we Spike?" 

Spike looked at her, his mouth slightly agape. He had been wondering the same thing, but he wasn't sure either. He went for a different response. "What happened, love, you hit your head before we started dancing?" 

Buffy fixed him with a dangerous glower. "I know that you know what I mean Spike." 

"Can't fool you, huh?" he asked rhetorically, though she shook her head in response. "Where do you want to be?" 

Now it was Buffy's turn to be quiet as she thought about her answer. She didn't know that she was actually going to have to think about it; she just assumed that Spike would answer her question and the discussion would go from there. Another sensitive surprise from the lean ex vampire. His motives for the redecoration of Angel's apartment weren't lost on her. 

Angel. She was still hurting a little from the memory of him. It was no longer a sharp, bleeding hurt; it was more like a dull ache. Surprisingly, Riley's departure didn't hurt at all. It was more like a release. Angel had told her to move on and have a normal life without him. Riley had been normal, but she didn't love him. Moving on seemed like a good option though. 

She thought back to everything that she had seen with Spike since she first met him a few years ago. The first time they met before the night of Saint Vigeous. Their uneasy alliance against Angelus. His coming back to Sunnydale for good after Drusilla left him. When he told her and Angel that they would never ever be friends. The Gem of Amarra. His appearance at Giles' door after they found out he was chipped. Memories picked up speed as they came back to her from the last year. Adam, Dracula, Riley. 

Willow's spell. Giles had told her the reason why her spell had worked so well and why the spell didn't bring Oz back was that all of the successful spells she cast that night had some morsel of truth in it. Giles did have a problem with his vision, Xander had some problems in the past with female demons, Amy really was a human girl and most distressingly, there was deep rooted feeling between Buffy and Spike. Buffy denied it when she heard the last, refuting that the deep rooted feeling was revulsion. 

Now she knew what people meant when they said there was a fine line between hate and love. She realized that what ever moment she considered important in her life and even those not so important, Spike was there for almost all of it. He knew who she was and where she had been. More importantly, he was her equal. Strength and power, knowledge and experience; he had them and she needn't fear for his life should he decide to take up her cause. She smiled for she had come to a conclusion, and for the first time, she was completely sure of her choice. 

Buffy stood up on her toes so that she was face to face with Spike. "I want to be….," she moved so that her lips were pressed lightly on his. "….right here." 

Willow cast a furtive glance at the dance floor and looked at the tall vampire in shock. "What are you doing here?" 

"Cordelia had a vision and Buffy was in it. I came because I thought she was in danger." 

"No-no danger here, Angel! Everyone's safe and sound." Willow offered meekly, trying to direct his vision away from the dance floor. 

Angel continued as if he hadn't heard Willow's mild protests. "Now I see that she's lost her mind." 

"Now that's not fair!" Willow rebuked him. "You're the one who left her and told her to move on. Besides, Spike – " 

Angel cut her off as he abruptly turned and made his way towards the dance floor. 

Spike felt as though he was soaring, the sensation of Buffy's lips upon his completely overpowered the kiss he'd given her the day before. As they parted he smiled and opened his mouth to speak when suddenly a hand grabbed his arm and jerked him away from her. Looking up he found himself facing a less than happy looking Angel. The old Spike would have made some cutting comment without thinking, but now he had a soul he somehow couldn't work himself up to be cruel. He could understand that Angel would be angry, even if Spike's happiness was the cause of it. 

"Angel?" Buffy could hardly believe her eyes. "What are you doing here?" 

Angel continued to glare at Spike. 

"I thought you were in danger. Cordelia had a vision, nothing specific but you were in it. I came to make sure you were alright and it looks like I got here just in time." 

"What?" Buffy suddenly realised what Angel had seen. "Oh. Angel, maybe we should go and sit down. A lot has happened since you were last here and there are a few things I need to explain." 

Angel whirled round to face her, his face expressing a mixture of anger and pain. 

"Why don't you explain it to me now, because from where I was standing it looked like you were kissing Spike." 

"Well, I-" 

Angel interrupted. "And the last time we spoke you told me how happy you were with Riley and how much you loved him. What went wrong?" 

Tears welled up in Buffy's eyes as Angel's words reminded her of what had happened with Riley. The sight of Buffy crying was too much for Spike. He grabbed hold of Angel and spun him round. 

"Now listen here mate, what gives you the right to turn up out of the bloody blue and start telling Buffy how to live her life. You made it quite clear that you didn't want to be a part of it when you sodded off to LA." 

Infused with rage Angel grabbed Spike's shirt with one hand and raised a fist. Suddenly he sensed something which he hadn't noticed before. His eyes went wide with shock and he dropped Spike. 

"Your heart's beating." He whispered, his vampiric senses allowing him to hear Spike's new pulse. 

"That's what I've been trying to tell you." Said Buffy. 

Angel looked back at her, his face now just expressing pure confusion. "Maybe we should sit down." He now agreed. The three of them walked over to a quiet corner table and sat down. 

Willow had now rejoined the rest of the gang and they were now watching Buffy, Spike and Angel with interest. 

"Man, I'd love to be a fly on THAT wall." Said Xander. 

"…and when he woke up he was human." Buffy concluded. "We're still trying to figure out what went wrong with the spell." 

Angel, surprisingly, didn't look as shocked as she'd expected him to be. In fact, he seemed almost pensive. He was still having problems dealing with the fact that he'd seen Buffy and Spike kissing. Human with a soul or not, he'd only been that way a couple of days and it took longer than that for romance to blossom. He was pretty sure that Buffy must have had feelings for Spike before he changed and that bothered him a lot. 

Buffy continued, "We've been through every book and manuscript we can get our hands on and we haven't found anything that happened that was anything like this." 

She absently stroked Spike's hand as she gazed across the table at Angel who was showing the beginnings of a grin. "What's so funny?" she asked. 

"The Powers that Be sure have a great sense of humour," Angel began bitterly. "I've lived with a soul for over a century and have been striving for redemption. I follow the visions they give Cordelia blindly and fight the good fight every night of my life. Wesley found a prophecy about a vampire with a soul. I was supposed to be rewarded. Do you know what that reward was supposed to be?" 

Buffy shook her head. 

"I was supposed to become human," he stated flatly. 

Buffy inhaled sharply and put her hand to her mouth. Her mind made all of the connections that Angel didn't need to say out loud. 

"And now that's me, right?" Spike spoke up for the first time since they sat down, he too realizing the ramifications of what Angel had said. "Nothing went wrong with the spell. The Watcher and Red made me a vampire with a soul, but these Powers made me human. It's a bloody wonder you haven't killed me yet for it." 

"You're damn right I'm angry. I worked for so long to get what you have," Angel glanced at Buffy and turned back to Spike, his pale countenance tinged darker with a glower. "And you get it without lifting a finger. But," his face relaxed noticeably, "it won't get me anywhere if I kill you." 

Buffy smiled uncertainly as she watched their exchange. "Maybe what happened to Spike is a sign." 

"What?" they both asked turning towards her. 

"Well, think about it Angel. They wanted to show you that you do have a chance to become human," she answered softly. Buffy felt a pang of regret as she said this. All this time Angel was working to become human so that he would be free of the curse, and free to be with her. To give her the life he always told her she deserved. As with everything else in her life, the timing of this revelation couldn't be worse, because for the first time since Angel had left her for good, she was happy. 

"So I'm just a sodding visual aid?" Spike asked, mistaking the tone of Buffy's voice for something else. He couldn't believe that after all Angel had put her through, she was just going to go back to him under the promise that he would be human someday, when he was human today. 

Spike rose abruptly from his chair but was stayed by a gentle touch from Buffy. "Spike, don't you dare leave. I know what you're thinking and you're wrong. You're still not entirely human so the Powers must have a plan for you too. They did this for some reason. And I'm glad that they did," she said firmly, grasping his hand and kissing his palm. 

They stared at each other intensely until Angel cleared his throat. Loudly. He looked like he wished he was anywhere but this table. "So, uh, how long have you two…?" 

Buffy and Spike glanced at each other and they answered with confidence. 

"About half an hour." 

"Years." 

They looked at each other, confused and Angel was equally puzzled. Buffy gave a sheepish grin and asked. "What was the question again?" 

Angel shook his head. "Never mind. If Spike isn't the danger that Cordelia saw, then something else is going to happen. I'd like to stay in town for a few days, see if I can help, if that's alright with you two," his voice cracking on the last two words. Without waiting for an answer, he rose and left the Bronze. 

Buffy and Spike watched as Angel swept out of the club and the two sat in silence for a few minutes, trying to digest all that had happened. Finally Spike spoke. 

"Buffy are you alright?" He asked gently, worried about the effect Angel's return would have on her. She sighed and nodded. 

"It's always hard seeing him…but I'm ok. What about you?" 

Spike grinned. "I'm peachy pet." This was true. No matter what Angel said or did to him, he knew now that Buffy cared about him and that was enough to see him through anything. 

Buffy smiled, despite all the pain she felt at seeing Angel, somehow just sitting here with Spike made her feel better. 

"We should go back and join the others." She said eventually. Spike nodded. 

"One thing first." He smiled and he leant across and kissed her. Buffy responded and the two spent the next few moments completely absorbed in each other. Finally they parted and walked over to rejoin the rest of the gang, still holding hands. 

The whole interaction between Buffy, Spike and Angel had been observed by them all, including the kiss. They now stared at the couple in open mouthed shock. Finally Xander collected himself. 

"So, what did deadboy have to say for himself?" He asked, and received Willow's elbow in his ribs in response. 

Buffy gave a small smile. "Cordelia had a vision. Angel just came to make sure we were alright." 

Xander rolled his eyes. "You mean he came to make sure **you** were alright." Willow elbowed him again. 

Buffy remained silent for a moment, Xander was probably right. Angel only ever seemed to turn up if she was in trouble. It was good that he still card about her, but at the same time it made it harder seeing him and knowing that he was going to leave again as soon as the danger had been averted. 

"Guys, I think I'm going to go home. I'm pretty tired." Inwardly she winced at the lame excuse she was giving but she just wanted to be away from everyone to think things over. 

"Do you want me to walk you home?" Asked Spike 

Buffy shook her head. "No, thanks. I'll be alright. You stay here and enjoy the rest of the night." 

With that she picked up her coat, brushed a quick kiss on Spike's lips and left. As soon as she'd gone Spike became aware that everyone's eyes were now on him, clearly expecting him to explain what had been said. He picked up his duster. 

"You know, I'm pretty tired myself. I think I'm gonna head off too." 

He was out of the door before anyone could respond. A stunned silence fell over the rest of the table. 

******

As Buffy walked home she became aware that someone was following her. She couldn't see anyone but her Slayer senses told her that someone was there. Stealthily she slipped a stake out of her pocket and grasped it tightly in her fist before spinning around. She nearly dropped it in surprise when she saw who it was. 

"Riley?" 

As he stepped from the shadows she gasped as she saw the dark and almost cruel statement on his face. It was something she'd never seen before, and never wanted to see again. 

"What are you doing here?" She asked carefully. "I heard that you'd gone back into the army." 

Riley smiled, although to Buffy it looked more like a sneer. 

"Well, the thing is, I heard something interesting while I was away. I heard that you and a certain blonde vampire were now something of an item. I'm glad to see you didn't wait to long to jump on the next guy who came along." 

"Riley, Spike's –" 

"It doesn't matter anyway." He said casually. "Spike's in the middle of getting reacquainted with an old friend, who I happened to run into while I was away." 

Buffy's eyes narrowed with suspicion. "What are you talking about?" 

"I was hurting, but she was hurting much more. She spent over a hundred years with him after all." 

Buffy stared at Riley for a second, unsure if she'd heard him correctly. 

"Dru…." She whispered. Pausing for a second she turned and ran, praying she'd get to Spike before she did. 

******

"Dru, what are you doing here?" Asked Spike, who had been more than a little surprised to find her waiting for him when he arrived home. 

Drusilla just smiled and stood up to greet him. 

"My darling Spike." She cooed. "It's been forever." 

Walking over to him she placed one hand on his chest and the other on his cheek. Spike flinched at her cool touch. Her cold flesh had once been one of the many things that he'd loved about her, now it just served as a reminder of the life he'd left behind. He stepped back from her, his eyes cold. For a hundred years he'd loved his life with Dru and the adventures they'd had. No he couldn't help but hate her for turning him into a demon and a killer. But, then again, maybe he should thank her. If he had never been a vampire, he never would have lived to be with Buffy. 

"What do you want?" 

Moving her head forward she began to nuzzle his neck, this time Spike moved completely away from her, standing on the other side of the room. 

"I want us to be a family again my William." She whimpered, tears filling her eyes. 

"It's too late for that pet." He replied, her tears and whimpers not stirring any of the emotions they had in the past. 

Dru suddenly looked remorseful. "I know my love. The Slayer's nasty friends have given you the kiss of life. You're like my Angel now, but I can fix you." 

Spike looked confused. "Fix me?" 

Dru took a few steps towards him and raised her fingers waving them in front of Spike's face. 

"Be in my eyes….be in me." 

She watched with satisfaction as Spike's eyes glazed over and he began to sway slightly. Her eyes never leaving his she stepped closer to him…. 

***** 

Buffy burst through the door of the Bronze and ran over to the table where the gang was sitting 

"Where's……Spike….." She gasped heavily. 

They glanced at each other before Willow spoke 

"He's at home. He left just after you did." 

Fear pierced Buffy's heart and she turned and ran back out of the door. 

****** 

Spike felt as though a heavy fog had invaded his mind. He was barely aware of his surroundings and all he seemed to be able to focus on were those mesmerising grey eyes in front of him. 

Dru slid into her vampiric features and bit down into Spike's neck before he had time to react. She opened her eyes in surprise, but continued to drink until she felt his body go limp in her arms. She'd almost forgotten what he tasted like alive. By the time Spike was aware of what was happening he was too weak to push her away. She gently lowered him to the floor and quickly bit into her wrist, allowing her blood to flow. Pressing the wound to Spike's mouth she worried for a moment that she drained him too much. Then she felt his lips suck on the wound and she stroked his hair as he drank. Finally she detached her wrist. 

"Sleep well." She crooned. "Mummy will be waiting for you when you wake up." 

Picking up her shawl she draped it over her shoulders and swept out of the door. 

Minutes later Buffy burst in and stood in the doorway and paused for a moment as she took in the horrific sight her eyes saw. Then she ran over to Spike and knelt at his side, pulling him into her arms and laying a hand in his cheek. With a sick feeling she realised that his skin was already turning cold. 

"No…." She whispered, tears pouring down her face.


	3. Part 3

Title: The Truth of the Matter 

Author: Hilary & Heidi 

E-mail: ImmortalBeloved2000@yahoo.co.uk and angelus0@hotmail.com 

Posted: 19th April 2001

Rating: PG 

Pairings: B/R, B/S 

Spoilers: General Season 5 post Out Of My Mind 

Summary: When Spike's chip threatens his life Buffy and the gang must make a difficult decision 

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to any of these characters. It all belongs to Joss and co. 

Feedback: YES PLEASE!!!! 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 

Angel slumped in the grand old armchair next to the fire. The rest of the mansion remained dark; it had not changed since he had left it the first time. When Buffy had sent him to hell. Even that was less painful than what he had learned tonight. 

He was never more sorry than tonight that he had told her to move on in her life. The day they had shared together was pure bliss and he was never surer that she was his girl than then. But, the day had to be turned back and this time they both had memories of her telling him how much she loved and trusted Riley. Somehow, Riley never threatened him. 

But Spike? A contender to say the least. Spike had lived a life half as long as his own, but twice as long as any man, with just as many twists and turns. Spike had a quick wit, where he could only offer a quiet countenance. Spike lived in the times, vampire or not, where he was committed to atoning for the past. Now as a human, Spike could offer Buffy a life melded almost seamlessly between normal and supernatural. 

Maybe the reason he was never threatened by Riley was that he knew that Buffy could never stay with someone that normal for long. Not after me, Angel thought to himself cynically. Guilt thrust itself to the forefront of his mind and heart. If he had just stayed in the fringes of her life; if he had stayed 'Cryptic Guy', always there, but never centre stage, this never would have happened. 

Angel shook his head as he continued to stare into the flames. He knew, the instant Whistler pointed her out, that he wanted to be a part of Buffy's life. A big part. All things followed from there and since he left, her life had simply continued without him. A life that now included Spike. 

A sound from outside alerted him to visitors to the mansion. Angel rose from the chair and drifted stealthily towards the foyer. 

Muffled voices. " – you really think – here?" A male voice. 

Another voice, childlike and almost cooing, murmured back. 

Angel didn't need to hear the words to know whom the voice belonged to. He opened the door with a crash outward and his statement was a strange mixture of recognition and shock. Recognition for his 'daughter' whom even after all of the good deeds, he would never really be able to atone for and shock for who she was with. 

"Riley. Glad to see you are keeping with such good company lately." Angel said to the younger man almost genially. 

Drusilla giggled girlishly, interrupting whatever snappy retort Riley would eventually come up with. There was still blood smeared across her chin. "For shame, Daddy. You knew my little boy was sick and you didn't help him." Angel looked at her, mystified, but she continued. "But, I made him all better and soon he will be with Mummy." 

Angel paused for a moment, trying to make sense of what Dru was saying. She wiped the blood from her chin and licked it off her finger with a small shudder of pleasure. Angel began to piece together what must have happened. Grabbing Dru forcefully he pushed her hard against the wall. 

"What did you do?" He hissed. 

"I just wanted my Spike back." She whimpered tears in her eyes. "I wanted us to be a family again." 

"Where is he?" Angel asked. Dru remained silent. 

"WHERE IS HE?" Angel yelled and Dru began to cry. He looked up at Riley who only smirked. He let go of her and she sank to the floor sobbing while he turned and ran, already knowing that he was going to be too late. Jumping into his car he made record speed to the Bronze where he was told that Buffy and Spike had left a while ago. It was as he feared, after being informed that Spike was staying in his old apartment Angel turned and ran back to his car, arriving in a matter of minutes. 

The door was open and Angel felt as though his heart was being ripped from his chest when he took in the sight before him. Buffy was sat on the floor, cradling Spike's body and rocking him gently in her arms. Sensing Angel's presence she looked up at him, her eyes red and puffed from crying. She had no idea how long she'd been sat there, it could have been hours or just minutes. She wasn't sure. It felt like forever. 

"He's so cold." She whispered, half to herself and half to Angel. "I'd only just gotten used to his skin being warm." 

Angel stepped tentatively into the room, not sure if he should leave her alone or comfort her. 

"I never told him." She said flatly. "He died not knowing how I really felt." She lay her hand on his cheek. "I'm so sorry Spike, for not telling you and for not being able to save you." 

"Buffy, I'm sorry." Angel said gently, kneeling down next to her. His words caused the tears to fall once more and she buried her face in Spike's shoulder, her body wracked with sobs. Angel rubbed small circles on her back, trying to soothe her and knowing that nothing he said was going to help. After a moment he stopped. Something didn't feel right. Suddenly he could hear it. Taking Spike's hand he put his fingers on his wrist. A pulse. Barely audible, so faint he could hardly feel it but it was there. 

"Buffy, we have to get him to a hospital. Now." 

She looked up at him, her face a mask of confusion. 

"He's got a pulse Buffy, I can feel it." 

Buffy was on her feet in an instant and Angel scooped Spike up in his arms and carried him out to the car. 

"I don't understand." Said Buffy as they sped towards the hospital. "He was dead, I checked." 

"Let's concentrate on helping him, we can ask questions later." He replied as they screeched round the corner and pulled into the hospital car park. 

****** 

"You have to help him!" Angel cried out to the emergency room desk clerk as he burst through the doors. 

The clerk nodded, picking up the telephone and hailing a slew of names over the intercom. Orderlies arrived with a gurney and relieved Angel of Spike's weight. 

"What happened?" the doctor in charge asked, assuming an air of command that immediately soothed Buffy. 

"He was…attacked. I wasn't there, but he lost a lot of blood," she replied, taking deep breaths. 

"Alright, miss. We can help him," the doctor replied as Spike was wheeled down the corridor and into the emergency room. "Are you family?" 

Buffy hesitated, glancing over to Angel. "Yes," she responded confidently, willing the doctor to remain silent. 

"Alright. What we're going to do is give him several sets of transfusions and observe from there. We're a little low on supplies here. Are you a registered blood donor?" 

Buffy nodded and tuned out the rest of what the doctor was saying. 

****** 

Spike felt weird. The last thing he remembered was Drusilla's fangs biting into his neck. Now he was in some place that felt almost familiar, like he had been there before. 

He opened his eyes and surveyed the pastoral rolling fields of green. It was paradise. He spread out his arms, drinking in the warmth of the sun. 

Suddenly, the light was cut off and he was floating in blackness. He opened his eyes and glanced around. He saw that his feet were standing on nothing at all, but he felt as though he was moving very fast indeed. He looked to his left and saw that he wasn't alone. The phantom leered at him, his yellow eyes glinting with amusement. 

"Hello William," the spectre breathed, his words trailing out behind him as he was moving just as fast. 

"But, you're – " Spike began. 

"I am what you were for over a hundred years," the vampire stated. 

"You're dead." Spike replied flatly. 

"So are you, my friend," the demon agreed. 

"I don't feel dead," Spike protested. 

"Oh, but you are. Drusilla opened the door for me to return, but what she didn't know was that I was still here. I am a part of you William, always." 

The apparition grinned at him, apparently satisfied by the horrified statement on Spike's face. He picked up on the subtle body cues – how could he not, they were his weren't they? – and amended his stance into a defensive position. Spike threw the first punch as they both hurtled through the dark. "I don't want to be you again!" he shouted. 

The spectre saw the punch coming and caught his hand. There was that smug look again and a snort of laughter for good measure. "Much as I want it William, and I want it bad, the Powers won't let me." 

"What?" Spike asked, confused. 

"The friendly resident Powers That Be intervened on the spell that brought back your human soul. They made you human." 

"Get on with it, I don't have all bleeding eternity," Spike snapped. 

"Oh, but you do. You have an infinity of eternities if I so choose," the demon sneered. 

Spike made a rude noise as it continued. 

"They tried before to make a vampire with a soul human. But they failed miserably. They even turned back time to cover up their mistake. They need their warriors. Like it or not, we are one of them." 

Angel was human? Spike thought to himself. 

"He was," the apparition stated, breaking into Spike's thoughts. "But he was weak; unable to fight. So they struck a bargain with me. What a laugh I had over that one, mate! The upshot of it was, I agree to lend you my strength and I don't get sent back to hell. I like it here. I have to live in the living hell of a live body and I have no control, but they get a warrior capable of fighting their fight. Not the worst deal I've been dealt." 

Spike remained silent, struggling with the knowledge that was just bestowed on him. In the distance, he saw a pinprick of light. 

"So I'm immortal?" he asked. 

"Not really. It would take a lot to kill you, especially with me in here, but you can never become a vampire again. The Powers made sure of it." 

The light was getting closer and through it Spike could see himself on a bed with Buffy and Angel keeping vigil over it. They were speaking, though their words were so slow and drawn out that he couldn't understand them. 

"It's time to return, William. I enjoyed our little chat. And remember, I'll always be here," the phantom put a finger on Spike's chest, right over his heart and he felt a jolt. 

He sat bolt upright and gasped for air. 

****** 

Buffy sat as close to Spike as humanly possible as she waited for him to regain consciousness. She rubbed at the bandage on the inside of her right elbow. Luckily their blood types had matched. He had needed about six pints of blood and she had donated two. The doctors were amazed that he was even alive after all that, but in the tradition of Sunnydale doctors, they didn't give it a second thought. 

The slow but steady beep of the heart monitor gave Buffy a small yet significant amount of comfort. She smiled across the bed at Angel. 

"Thank you," she said quietly. She knew how hard he had taken the entire night's events. Even after all this time, she still knew how he felt without his even having to say anything. 

Angel gave her a small smile but remained silent. He was still trying to take in the fact that Spike, of all people had been given this amazing gift, and that Buffy had fallen in love with him as a result. 

Buffy's eyes moved up to Spike's face, thanks to the transfusion the colour was starting to return to his cheeks. Taking his hand she was glad to feel it was warm, she'd never forget the feeling of his cold body lying in her arms. She looked back up at Angel. 

"Angel, I just want you to know that I never meant to hurt you. A part of me will always love you, I hope you know that. I wish I could explain what happened with me and Spike but I can't. It just happened." 

Angel sighed. "Buffy, you don't have to explain anything. I was the one who left and told you that you needed someone else. Granted I didn't have Spike in mind when I said that but if you're happy with him then I'm glad. You know I only ever want you to be happy." 

Buffy nodded, her eyes drifting back to Spike for a moment. "I am happy." 

At that moment Spike sat bolt upright in bed with a gasp. Buffy was at his side in an instant, tears of relief pouring down her face as she pulled him into an embrace. Spike slowly became aware that he was no longer talking to his demon, he was in a bed and in Buffy's arms. She was crying. He was also aware that he was still alive and not a vampire as he should be. It was then that he recalled the words of his unconscious dream. Buffy pulled away from him and smiled through her tears. 

"Are you alright?" She asked. When he nodded she eased him back in a lying position, keeping hold of his hand. Angel stood up. 

"I'll leave you two alone." He said quietly as he moved towards the door. 

"Wait." Called Spike, his voice little more than a hoarse whisper. "There's something I need to tell you both." 

Angel sat back down and Spike proceeded to tell them everything that had happened from Drusilla biting him to him waking up. When Spike reached the part about Angel having been human for a day Buffy gasped. She had absolutely no recollection of this although Angel's face betrayed the fact that he knew something about it. Spike finished the rest of his story uninterrupted. 

Buffy and Angel looked thoughtful for a moment. It was certainly an interesting theory, but was it Spike's imagination or did his dream actually mean something. Buffy stood up and kissed Spike. 

"You should rest. I'll come back and visit you in the morning. I'll find out how long the doctors want to keep you in here as well." 

Spike nodded and closed his eyes, drifting back to sleep almost immediately. Buffy and Angel quietly left. 

The drive home was taken almost entirely in silence. On the one hand Buffy was still trying to take in the fact that Spike had survived Drusilla's attempt to re-sire him, but his story also raised a lot of questions. As the car pulled up outside her house she turned to face Angel. 

"Were you really human for a day?" She asked. 

"Buffy…" Angel began, not really knowing what he was going to say, knowing that he had to tell her something. 

"No!" Buffy said quickly. "Tell me the truth. You were human for a day. Were you ever going to tell me?" she demanded, her eyes sharp with hurt. 

Angel stared across the steering wheel, through the windshield and into the darkness. "You weren't supposed to know," he replied simply. "No one was supposed to remember but me." 

He winced as the memories that he tried so hard to bury flew at him, impossibly bright, and his pain blossomed anew. He felt like he was burning. 

Buffy was incredulous. "I wasn't supposed to know. Angel, a whole day of my life! I wasn't supposed to know?" 

She let the question hang there for a moment, and with a glance upward towards the stars, she began to struggle with the handle of the passenger side door. She expressed her aggravation with the handle by nearly breaking it away from the door and finally decided to climb out over the side of the convertible. 

"Buffy!" Angel whispered hoarsely as he realised that this time she could be the one who walks out of his life. He put his hand on her arm, lightly grasping it. She stopped and remained balanced on the door. One leg out of the car, one leg out. 

"What do you want now?" she asked dully, as if nothing he said mattered anymore. 

"Don't go." 

Buffy let out a defeated sigh and climbed back into the car. And glared right through him. 

Angel shrank from her gaze. This wasn't the Buffy that he had fallen in love with. Was she always this hard, this unforgiving? You idiot, he thought to himself. Of course this isn't the Buffy you fell in love with in LA. She had grown up, changed. She would always change, while he never did. He smiled ruefully to himself despite her gaze which was growing more impatient by the moment. 

"How could I have told you?" His voice edged with desperation, but he knew now that if he ever had a chance of coming out of this with her talking to him, he had to be on the level. "I wanted to, so bad. The Oracles said that I had to bear the pain alone, but I couldn't stand knowing about all we did that day without you knowing too. By the time I decided to tell you, you were already telling me how much you didn't know me. How much you loved Riley. And then you left." 

He looked at her, haunted. "There wasn't enough time. Not enough." 

Buffy stared at her hands cradled in her lap, remembering her words to him. They had a slight tremble as did her words. "And I still don't remember." 

"Buffy. Look at me," his voice took on a faintly stronger timbre and she looked into his eyes. In them, she could see all of his love for her burning still. He confirmed it. "I love you. I always will. But with this curse," his throat made an audible click, "we can't be together. I'm starting to believe that we never will be." 

"What are you telling me?" Buffy asked, tears threatening to fall. 

"Do you remember Aesop?" Buffy nodded and he continued. "His fables were always light-hearted, but never so much so that they hid the lesson that needed to be learned. I saw you in LA before you were called. Whistler told me that you would need my help. I had already spent nearly a century wandering aimlessly. I loved you from that instant and all I wanted to do was help you. You gave me a purpose, something to 'live' for." 

He took an unneeded breath and went on. "We needed each other then. We were destined to be together. But, not with me as a human; I remember. We would both die if that were to happen now. The day may come when The Powers That Be finally deem me worthy of that gift, but you can never stop being the Slayer. And I will never stop loving you and so I will always fight by your side. Yours and Spike's." 

Buffy looked at him with tears shining in her eyes, that and understanding. 

"Come on, you need your rest if you're going to go visit Spike in the morning. I'll walk you to your door and take care of patrol for tonight. We can all go tomorrow night." 

Buffy nodded and this time they both left the car. They walked side by side up her front walk, not saying a word. Angel watched as Buffy opened her front door soundlessly. She crossed the threshold and turned. As she threw her arms around his chest, his arms were already encircling her shoulders in a fierce hug. At last, they released each other. Buffy stood up on tiptoe and brushed her lips against Angel's cool cheek. 

"Thank you." 

"Goodnight, Buffy."

****** 

Riley tried to blot out the sound of Dru's wailing as he paced up and down the main room of the mansion, this wasn't exactly going the way he'd planned. After Angel had left in a useless attempt to try and save Spike, Dru had continued to cry and had refused to move from the spot on the floor where Angel had dropped her. Riley had tried everything from gentle coaxing to forcefully dragging her but nothing would make her move. He knew that if would only be a matter of time before Angel returned and quite honestly he wasn't ready to face and extremely angry, powerful vampire. He'd fought Angel once before, over Buffy ironically, and he'd barely gotten away with out serious injury. They needed to come up with a plan before they made their next move. Suddenly Dru's cried increased and Riley knelt down beside her. 

"My poor little Spike." She wailed. "Mummy's kiss didn't work." 

Riley frowned at this. "What do you mean Dru? You turned Spike into a vampire right?" 

She shook her head, still caught in the throes of her vision. "My Spike has protection, from those who look after my Angel. They won't let me bring him back." 

Riley didn't understand what Dru was saying but he did know that they had to get out of there. 

"Come on Dru," he urged, trying to pull her to her feet. "We'll find another way to get Spike back, I promise." 

Looking up at him Dru finally nodded and climbed to her feet. Riley wrapped his arms around her trembling form and guided her out of the mansion. He'd have to come up with a better plan. 

****** 

The next morning Buffy arrived at the hospital to find Spike awake and ready to be discharged. The doctors were amazed at how quickly he'd recovered but after all the strange things they'd seen in Sunnydale they just accepted it and discharged him with very few questions. 

Although he was fit to leave the hospital Spike was still quite weak and as they walked back to the apartment Buffy kept an arm around his waist, allowing him to lean on her. As they walked she told him her version of the events of the night before, including her run-in with Riley. Spike shook his head with disbelief. 

"I don't get it. It's not like Dru to team up with a human, not like her at all." 

Buffy shrugged. She didn't understand it either. All she knew was that Riley was now her enemy, and she'd have to face him sooner or later. 

Arriving at the apartment Buffy helped Spike out of his duster and ordered him into bed while she went into the kitchen and fixed him up with some food. It was funny, she thought as she cooked, a few days ago if she'd been presented with a weakened Spike the first thing she would have done would be get him some blood to drink. Now here she was fixing him up a meal that they could both eat. It was a novel experience. 

They sat in silence while they ate and after Buffy had cleared away the dishes she sat on the edge of the bed beside him. Taking is hand she looked straight in his eyes and took a deep breath. This needed saying. 

"Spike…last night….when Dru…when I thought I'd lost you, it made me realise something. Spike I love you. I think I have for a while now, but when I thought I'd never see you again, it made me realise exactly how much you mean to me. When I thought I'd never get to talk to you again it felt like part of me had died…" 

Buffy closed her eyes, unable to finish, but she could still feel the hot wetness of her tears as they ran down her face. She was still holding his hands; how strong they felt! She felt his lips, too supple to really belong to a man, graze each tear as it fell. She opened her eyes to see his only inches from hers and crying the same tears. 

Behind his tears, she saw the pure and unadulterated happiness dancing in his eyes. She gave him a wry smile and was about to comment on how being happy made people cry. As she opened her mouth to say so, she felt his lips sweep over hers, getting tangled, forming intricate designs. This wasn't like their kiss at the Bronze last night. That kiss was sweet, formal. This was anything but. It was wild, uncontrollable, fast and completely and overwhelmingly right. 

If Buffy hadn't been sure of how much she loved Spike, the utter perfection of the kiss would have split her in half. Somehow, she knew that he had kissed her like this a thousand times in his dreams. She smiled into the kiss. It was a thought that would have made her run screaming into the night less than a week ago and now it was something that comforted, made her feel so loved. 

"I'm still alive, love," he murmured trailing kisses from the angle of her jaw and down her neck. As he did so, he lifted up his shirt, and placed her hand on the bare skin of his chest over his heart. She could feel its rhythm, strong and fast. It was mesmerising, yet incredibly powerful. Buffy took a breath as his lips returned to hers, softer this time. 

Spike pulled away from her, searching her. He raised his eyebrows in an unspoken query. She stared back at him, as if she could melt daggers with her gaze. He had issued a challenge; she wasn't going to back down. 

*******

Riley wrinkled his nose in disgust. Never in his whole life had he seen so much dust. It was apparent that Spike had never bothered to clean this old crypt. Dru had been out cold when they arrived at the cemetery. The trip up from Belize had been rough and it was almost daybreak. 

Riley knew there was no where he could go and keep her safe. He discharged a rough bark that he supposed could have been a laugh. Him keeping her safe. He wondered about that. He had seen her feed before. She was strong and ruthless. She didn't need anyone to protect her. Now as she slept, her features so like a child's, he knew that he had to care for her. 

After finding out what precious few scraps Buffy and her friends had deemed safe for consumption for Agent Finn about Angel, he had decided to do a little homework. Angel. Angelus. He had made Drusilla. He had driven this poor lamb insane, killing everyone near and dear to her, one by one until the day she took her holy vows. Only then, when she was completely non-sensical did he change her into the creature before him today. 

Damn Angel, damn Spike, Riley thought to himself bitterly. It didn't matter what he touched, he thought to himself, stroking her hair as she shifted in his embrace. Riley ran a finger down the column of her spine and she shuddered in her repose, not quite awakening. He smiled, but it never touched his eyes. It didn't matter what he touched, he thought again, because one or both of them had managed to get to it first. 

****** 

Buffy had woken up about an hour earlier and now it was almost dusk. She had a brief moment of déjà vu when she felt the bed next to her and found no one there. She turned to look and saw Spike curled up and almost falling off the edge of the bed. She rolled him so that he was on his back and she could watch him. 

She smiled and stretched dreamily. She knew now that kissing her hadn't been the only thing that he had dreamed of at least a thousand times. She smiled as she watched him sleep. He earned it. 

Spike awoke to see Buffy propped up on one arm, watching him. He wondered how long she'd been like that. 

"Hey." She said softly, reaching out and running the back of her fingers over his smooth cheek. 

"Hey." He replied with a gentle smile. "How long have you been awake?" 

"I don't know." She confessed before leaning down and kissing him softly. Spike responded with equal softness and they both smiled as they parted. 

"We'll have to go and see Giles soon, and tell him what happened and what you saw." 

"Mmmm." Murmured Spike as he snuggled close to her, if he had his way he'd spend the rest of eternity like this. 

Buffy didn't want to move either, but she knew that they would have to move eventually. 

"Just a few more minutes." She said, holding him and not wanting to let go. 

******

"This is most unusual." Said Giles after Buffy and Spike had told him their story. "And you say Riley and Drusilla are both back in Sunnydale, and they're working together. 

"That's what we said." Replied Buffy exasperatedly. 

After a moments thought Giles looked at Spike, still unable to fully comprehend that he had died and been restored to life by some unknown higher power. "Do you think that they are likely to still be around, now that the attempt to turn you has failed." 

"No doubt about it." Spike replied immediately. "Dru isn't one for giving up easily." 

"Quite. Well, there isn't much we can do except be extra alert. There's no way we'll be able to find them until, they want to be found. You will continue to patrol as normal, and it might be wise to let Angel accompany you as a source of back up. Aside from that we wait. I'll alert the others to the situation and warn them about going out." 

Buffy nodded. Waiting was always the hardest part in a situation like this. After leaving Giles, Buffy headed home for some patrolling supplies and asked Spike to meet her at the mansion. Spike nodded, there was something he had to tell Angel anyway. 

****** 

Angel returned to the mansion after completing patrol. As far as he could tell, it was too quiet for a normal Sunnydale night. As normal as that could be. He only managed to dust a couple of younglings that were holed up in a warehouse. 

He entered the parlour and noticed two things. First, the fire had gone out; second Riley and Dru were long gone. They must have left almost immediately after he had. Still, their lingering scents unnerved him and he crossed the room to open one of the large bay windows. As he busied himself with trying to get the fire going again, he puzzled over the recent events. Drusilla had never taken to keeping human company so intimately before. Just then, a strong gust of wind blew across the room, putting out the struggling flame. 

Angel gave up and sat in the middle of the floor of the darkened room. He closed his eyes and began to meditate. It was just as effective as resting, but he was keenly alert to his surroundings just in case anyone decided to 'drop by'. 

A woman's sigh startled him and he opened his eyes. Checking his watch, he saw that it was almost two hours since he had arrived. Two hands began to knead at his deltoid muscles and Angel relaxed into them. They were familiar, gentle. 

"How did you find me?" he asked. 

A soft chuckle sounded behind him and he grabbed one of the hands. He turned around and gazed at the blonde woman. He could hear her heart thudding maddeningly in his ears and breathe her scent which was distinctly that of the living. 

"Does it really matter Angelus? We're here, together. And your cheerleader seems to have moved on to greener pastures. Dumber, but greener nonetheless." 

Angel closed his eyes tightly against the vision of his sire turned human. "I killed you." 

She smiled coyly as she straddled his lap and began to push his shoulders to the floor. Her tone of voice was playful as she spoke. "And don't think that I won't make you pay dearly for it." 

She ran her fingers under the buttons of his shirt, undoing each as she went. Pushing the halves of his shirt away, she kissed his bare chest slowly. She opened her mouth to speak when the door to the mansion was flung open and - 

Angel awoke with a start. He had fallen asleep despite his best efforts not to. He whispered to himself "Darla." 

He looked up to see if someone had actually entered the mansion and saw that it was Spike, and he was alone. 

"No Buffy?" He asked before finally looking up at the former vampire. He was immediately struck by how well Spike looked considering he'd been practically dead less than 24 hours ago. 

"She'll be here in a few minutes." Spike replied before lapsing into silence. This needed to be said, but now that he was here he felt decidedly uncomfortable. He began to fiddle with one of the buttons on his duster nervously. Angel sensed Spike's discomfort, but didn't know the cause of it. 

"Is everything alright?" He asked quietly. 

Spike nodded. "I just wanted to…thank you. You saved my life last night." He began to gain momentum as he spoke. "I know you can't stand the fact that I've been given what you've been working years for and I know you can't stand the fact that Buffy and I are in love. But I do love her mate, with all my heart and all my newly found soul. In fact I loved her before all this happened, when I was still a vampire. I think now that I've always loved her. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I'll never, ever hurt her or let anything happen to her. I'm not asking for your blessing, because I know I won't get it. I just thought you should know." 

Angel remained silent throughout Spike's speech, his facial statement not changing at all. Finally he opened his mouth to answer when Buffy arrived, ready for patrol. 

***** 

The office door opened and the man walked across the room. He seated himself with pursed lips and looked across the expansive mahogany structure expectantly. 

"How are you today Lindsey?" Holland Manners asked pleasantly. "Scotch?" 

Lindsey McDonald looked at his colleague, the Director of Special Projects blankly. He made no move to pour himself a tumbler from the bottle that sat invitingly on Manners' desk. 

"Alright, then," Manners said resignedly. "I'll get to the point. The Senior Partners are not happy. This project was begun almost six months ago and though we had to give it a bit of time to get the project reacclimated to living, it is taking entirely too long." 

Lindsey raised his eyebrows slightly, but remained silent. 

"Look, I don't think I have to remind you that mine isn't the only ass on the line with this project." Manners said conspiratorially, leaning further across his desk and steepling his fingers as he did. 

"So…..What?" Lindsey asked, speaking for the first time. "What can we do?" 

"I gave you the directives and put you in to oversee this project personally, so what do you suggest?" Holland asked underhandedly. 

Lindsey pursed his lips almost invisibly. His face didn't change, but its underlying statement had. He feared for her. He knew what happened to 'projects' that didn't serve their purpose. He knew how impatient the Senior Partners could be, but he really didn't see how he could speed up the project. 

"I didn't think you would have anything significant to contribute, so I went through Procurement and I've brought in a specialist." 

Manners slid his hand under the desk and pressed an unseen button. A panel of the wall slid to the side. 

"Ah, J'nurum, please, join us." The elder lawyer said smoothly. 

Lindsey watched as the strikingly handsome man entered the office. He was tall and broad, but not too broad, with a mop of dark curls that came to the nape of his neck. He displayed an easy grace as he lowered himself into the chair next to Lindsey. He smiled, flashing unbelievably perfect teeth. Lindsey turned back to Manners, perplexed. 

Manners allowed himself a few moments of rare amusement and spoke at last. 

"Lindsey, this is J'nurum. J'nurum, please meet Lindsey McDonald. You two will be working very closely." To Lindsey, he continued, "J'nurum is a bounty hunter of sorts. Lives for the hunt." He gestured towards the young lawyer. "Show Lindsey what you can do." 

"Sir?" Lindsey asked, unnerved by this perfect man next to him. 

"Just let him show you." Holland replied harshly. 

He nodded. J'nurum got up and stood behind the young lawyer. Holland watched as Lindsey stared at him straight in the eyes as J'nurum's entire form dissipated and changed. 

Where the handsome man had been stood only moments before there was now a demon, taller and broader than his human counterpart. His entire body was covered with yellow scales and large green spines now stood where his hair had been. His eyes glowed deep red and rows of razor sharp teeth could be seen in his mouth. 

J'nurum reached out one finger and lightly brushed it against Lindsey's arm. There was only contact between them for about a second but immediately Lindsey felt as though something was draining the very life out of him, shocked to discover he barely had the strength to move. All he could do was sit there and gasp for breath as Holland laughed. 

"Don't worry Lindsey, you'll recover in a few minutes. Needless to say however, the longer he holds onto a person the more severe and permanent the effects are." 

Taking his attention away from the young lawyer, Holland turned his attention back to the demon. 

"I think it goes without saying that you're hired." He held out a file. "Here is your target, I suggest you leave immediately." 

Taking the file J'nurum nodded and slid his human features back into place before leaving. 

"I think our problems are nearly over." Smiled Holland. 

****** 

Patrol had been fairly non eventful, a couple of vampire's which had quickly been dispatched. What struck Buffy more than anything was the tension between Angel and Spike. It was understandable of course, at one point Angel had been everything to her. Now they all had new lives, lives which they had to adapt to. She just wished it was easier for him to accept her new relationship with Spike. 

"Why don't we go to the Bronze for a drink?" she suggested when the slayage was complete. 

"I'm game." Spike replied. "Angel?" 

Buffy smiled at Spike's attempts to include him. However her smile faded when Angel shook his head. 

"I think I'm going to head home. I haven't been sleeping very well and I'm quite tired." 

"Are you ok?" Asked Buffy with concern. Spike tried his best to ignore the twinge of jealousy running through his stomach. 

Angel smiled weakly. "I'm fine, I just need to sleep. You two go, have a good time. I'll see you tomorrow night." 

Reluctantly Buffy nodded and watched until Angel was out of sight. Then she took Spike's arm and the two of them headed for the Bronze. 

***** 

Anya rolled over and smiled the smile of a cat that just caught Big Bird. 

"Aren't you glad that we didn't go patrolling tonight?" she asked Xander and noticed that he was no longer in bed, but dressing. 

"I am An, but have you seen my shoes?" he answered distractedly. 

"They're by the front door where you kicked them off, right before you suggested – " she replied automatically, but cut herself off as Xander exited the room. 

"Xander? Xander!" she called out to him, wrapping the bed sheets around her as she too, rose from the bed. She entered the living room to see him putting on a light jacket. 

"Where are you going?" she asked petulantly. 

"There's something I forgot to do An. I should be back in a little while," he answered as best he could without sounding too hurried. 

"Oh. Well." Anya cocked her head to the side and her pout grew just a little. "In that case. Try not to die while you're out." 

She smiled briefly as Xander gave her an uncharacteristic peck on the cheek and then resumed frowning and she watched his retreating form. 

***** 

Angel woke from his constant dream of Darla to hear knocking at the front door of the mansion. Since no one he knew would ever bother knocking, he got up to see who it could be at this hour. 

He pushed back the heavy curtains from the window and was surprised to see Xander waiting there for him to answer the door. 

Before he could fully open the door and invite him in, Xander was inside the foyer. He promptly began pacing, stopping occasionally to stare intently at Angel only to resume pacing. 

Angel sighed and rolled his eyes. "Whenever you're ready, I'll be in the parlour." 

Xander stopped short and pointed at the vampire. "You're going to wait right there for me Deadboy. I practiced what I was going to say the whole way over here and – now I realize how stupid that sounds." He shook his head and continued. "The point is I'm not sure whether to still hate you or Junior or both of you." 

"I know." Angel said turning on his heel and walking slowly towards the armchair. 

Xander continued as Angel sat down. "First you're good, then you're bad and all is forgiven when you're good again. Now Spike was bad then neutral and now he's good. And somehow in between all of that you've both managed to hurt her even though you claim to love her." 

"Uh huh." Angel grunted as he stared into the fire. If anything, his face seemed to darken. 

"I'm really confused." Xander stated. 

Before Angel could answer, the front door of the mansion exploded in. Angel quickly jumped out of the chair and pushed Xander down and behind it. 

"Ok! Less confused now!" Xander called out from behind the chair. 

As the dust cleared, Angel was surprised for the second time this evening. Instead of a horrible ugly monster ready for a fight, he saw, leaning against what was left of the doorjamb a very handsome man with his arms folded over his chest. He gave Angel a secretive smile and began to cross the room. 

"You must be Angelus. Exactly how I pictured you. Or, how you look in your pictures. Who's your little friend?" the dark man asked. 

"Hey!" Xander protested, still relatively hidden, despite the fact that the man already knew he was here. 

"Do I know you?" Angel asked warily. 

"The name's J'nurum," the man answered, holding out his hand in a gesture of greeting. 

Angel almost grasped the man's hand automatically, but pulled back when the man's form began to change. It was too late though and his hand was caught in the razor sharp claws of the demon. Instantly, he felt all of his strength leave him and he sank to the ground. His face morphed as his demon tried to come out and fight whatever it was that was taking all of its power, but to no avail. 

Angel closed his eyes from the pain, and then the lack of pain as all feeling went out of his body. He could hear J'nurum chuckling above him. 

"That was too easy. Angelus, master vampire, the scourge of Europe was taken out by me. And in less than ten seconds!" 

"You're forgetting about me tall, slimy and gross." Xander piped up and revealed himself. 

"You think you can fight me?" the demon laughed and advanced on him. 

"What? Me? Oh no, I could never fight you. But, I could run like hell to get someone who could. Don't worry Angel, I'm going to get Buffy!" Xander called out over his shoulder as he got a head start on J'nurum. 

Angel opened his eyes to the remains of the front door in time to see J'nurum react to Xander with lightning speed. Xander was caught right at the door, with the spiny demon blocking his way. 

"No…" Angel said weakly, but neither being heard him. 

"There's always room for Jell-o, boy," the demon laughed at his own joke and grasped Xander by the shoulders and held on. Tight. 

Angel tried with all of his might to get up to help Xander, but the only thing he could manage was lifting his head about half an inch from the floor. He watched helpless as Xander went limp in the demon's arms and was dropped to the floor. He was hanging on, but just barely. 

Xander rolled his eyes towards Angel. With the very last bit of his strength, he gave the floored vampire a crooked smile and said, "Not confused anymore. Tell Anya I love her and I'm sorry." 

As the last syllable left his mouth, Xander stopped. Everything. Moving, breathing, talking. He stared motionless at the vampire and Angel knew that the boy was dead. Angel let his head slump back down to the ground and felt a wetness under his cheek from the tears he didn't know that he had shed. 


	4. Part 4

Title: The Truth of the Matter 

Author: Hilary & Heidi 

E-mail: ImmortalBeloved2000@yahoo.co.uk and angelus0@hotmail.com 

Posted: 2nd Feb 2003

Rating: PG 

Pairings: B/R, B/S 

Spoilers: General Season 5 post Out Of My Mind 

Summary: When Spike's chip threatens his life Buffy and the gang must make a difficult decision 

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to any of these characters. It all belongs to Joss and co. 

Feedback: YES PLEASE!!!! 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Buffy sat in her room, on her bed, unable to sleep, unable to concentrate. Spike held her hand as he slept. He had tried so hard to get her to sleep as well. She just couldn't. Something was wrong. Something was coming. 

No sooner had she had that thought, there was a frantic knocking on the front door. Spike stirred and Buffy cast a glance at the sleeping ex vampire. She pulled his T-shirt over her form and went down the stairs, cautiously. The knocking had not stopped, but had actually sped up, if that was possible. Buffy peeked out from behind the white filmy curtains that covered the windows next to the door and let out a sigh of relief when she realised who it was. 

Opening the door, Buffy queried, "Anya, what are you doing here?" 

Ignoring the question, she barrelled into the Summers' home and asked, "Where's Xander?" 

"You mean he's not with you?" Buffy asked, worry beginning to set in. 

Anya shook her head briefly and continued. "He left our apartment over two hours ago and hasn't come back. He said he'd never leave me Buffy, so why is he gone?" 

Buffy frowned. Whatever it was, it couldn't be good, but as much as she didn't get Anya and her distinct mannerisms, she knew that Xander loved her with all of his heart. It was the only way he knew how. She switched into Slayer mode. It comforted not only herself but Anya as well, who finally stopped pacing. 

"We need to get to the magic shop. I'll call Willow and get Spike and Angel. Go to the shop and get Giles. We'll all meet you there." 

_  
At the Magic Box_

The entire gang had assembled at the shop minus Angel. 

"We've gone over the facts and they just don't add up." Willow said with much distress. 

"Will, calm down, none of this will help us find him." Buffy noted as gently as she could. 

The door banged open and Angel walked in. If it was possible, he looked even more broody than usual. "You won't find him." 

Everyone sprang from their chairs and surrounded the vampire. Choruses of "Why not?" or "Where is he?" filled the air. 

Angel looked around at the group of people who were looking at him expectantly. How was he going to tell them? There was just no easy way of saying it. His eyes fell sorrowfully on Anya and he swallowed hard.

"He's dead."

Mere worry and concern gave way to horror and disbelief. A deafening silence. Willow shook her head, refusing to accept what she was hearing. Buffy just looked stunned as Spike wrapped a comforting arm around her.

"No." Anya whispered softly. "Noyou're wrong."

As Angel related his story Anya's soft whispering slowly turned into gut-wrenching sobs.

"I'm so sorry." Angel said softly.

Anya leapt at him with a quickness she had not seen since her demon days, screaming hysterically. It took both Buffy and Spike to pull her away. As they did, her body drained itself of rigidity and vitality and she sank to the ground, weeping pitifully. The gang exchanged looks over her head unsure of what to do next. 

At last, Tara crouched down and embraced her, rocking her and stroking her hair. Their glances reached a consensus and Buffy voiced the decision. "Come on. Let's bring him home." 

_  
U.C. Sunnydale _

Willow ore through all of the books in the room she and Tara shared. She tossed them to the ground, shaking them open and breathing great lungs of air as she went. Finally, she found what she was looking for. A small card fluttered to the floor and Willow snatched it from the air before it could land. 

She turned it over in her hands and she could feel the power emanating from it. She took a deep breath and sank to the ground. Lighting a black candle that she kept hidden from Tara, and began the incantation to D'Hoffryn. 

_  
Arashmaharr_

D'Hoffryn eyed the small girl standing before him. She had great power, more so than she had when he had last encountered her, but more than that she had pain, and the pain a witch felt had great potential.

"You have reconsidered my offer?" He asked. 

She raised her head slightly, no trace of fear in her puffy tear-filled eyes.

"I have."

He smiled. "Excellent. I feel the strength of your pain, it is greater than last time is it not?"

Willow tried not to let the tears that were burning in her eyes fall. "I lost a friend."

D'Hoffryn nodded. "And you desire vengeance?"

Willow nodded.

"Very well, you will make a fine vengeance demon."

He placed his hand over her heart and began to chant in a language that she'd never heard before. As he did so she began to feel a power flow through her that she had never felt before, her rage intensified and as it did she knew what she had to do.

"Now go." D'Hoffryn waved a hand in front of her face and Willow found herself back in her dorm. Tara still wasn't back from class and Willow knew she had to go to someone who would be able to help her in her quest.

_  
Xander's Apartment_

At the sound of knocking Anya rolled over in bed, tears still falling down her face. If she closed her eyes she could still smell Xander's scent lingering on the sheets. She couldn't believe he was gone.

"Anya, its Willow. Open the door; I know you're in there. I need to talk to you about something, about Xander."

Hearing his name only made her cry harder, but she managed to pull herself out of bed and opened the door.

"What do you want?" She asked wearily. "I want to be left alone."

Willow was barely able to hold back her own tears at the sight of Anya's tear streaked face.

"I need your help." She said softly.

Anya suddenly spied the necklace hanging around her neck. "Oh my God Willow, what have you done?"

Willow gave her predecessor a small but chilling smile. "What I had to do to bring Xander back. He was my friend. I seek vengeance against he who revoked his life. I believe you do too. You know what you must say to make that happen."

Anya looked at the former witch, horrified

And yet hopeful

She remembered what happened when Cordelia had made her wish and she knew she had to speak her words carefully. It was all too easy for a wish to be twisted so that it reflected back on whoever had wished it.

"I wish that Angel had killed the demon that killed Xander before it had a chance to kill Xander."

Anya continued looking hopeful as Willow smiled a satisfied smile and said, "Done."

Anya woke up in her bed knowing something was wrong. Xander had run out of the apartment almost two hours ago only saying that there was something that he had to do. This time Anya knew what Xander had to do, and where he was. She changed quickly out of her bedclothes before running out the door and straight to the mansion.

_  
The Mansion_

"Do I know you?" Angel asked warily.

"The name's J'nurum," the man answered, holding out his hand in a gesture of greeting.

Angel chuckled, very amused and crossed his arms across his chest. "You didn't think I would fall for that did you? I can smell you and you're not human." 

J'nurum's face dissolved into anger as he morphed into his true form which towered above the tall vampire. Angel began backing away, looking around for anything to fight with. 

J'nurum laughed horrible grinding laughter. "Now it's my turn to be amused. You can't stop me now, vampire." 

"Angel, catch!"

Angel turned to see Xander throwing a sword at him. It was one of the swords that he and Buffy had fought with on that day so long ago. Xander had taken it from above the mantelpiece while J'nurum was distracted. It took half a second for it to register that Xander was trying to help him, but by that time the sword was in his hand. Without thinking, he swung the sword upwards and sliced through the offensive demon before he could lay a hand on either of them. 

J'nurum looked down at slice that ran all the way up his abdomen and ended at his throat. He tried desperately to keep his insides from hanging out, but he was bleeding profusely and losing a lot of blood. Dizzy, he pitched forward and landed face first at Angel's feet. 

Xander crept out from behind the furniture that he had retreated to after throwing the sword at Angel.

"And I thought he smelled bad on the outside." Xander quipped.

Angel resisted the urge to smile; he had a feeling that they'd had a narrow escape.

"So what the hell is this thing?" Xander asked, kicking the corpse at their feet.

Angel shook his head. "I have no idea."

"Well, let's go and see Giles. He's always up on the demon info."

Angel nodded and the two of them headed towards The Magic Shop.

"By the way." Said Angel as they walked. "Thanks."

"No problem." Xander grinned.

* * *

Xander had barely opened the door to the shop when Anya threw herself into his arms, sobbing her heart out.

"Xander, thank God. I missed you, I love you so much."

Before Xander could ask her what was going on she kissed him with everything she was worth.

"Don't ever leave me again!" She half yelled.

"Umright. Ahn, not that I'm not happy about the hugs and the kisses, but I was only gone a couple of hours. I told you I was going to see Angel."

Anya just kissed him again and Xander gave up, deciding to just go with it.

Seeing Xander and Anya, Willow smiled. Buffy and Spike looked a little confused, but moved closer to each other being reminded on how much they loved each other by the display they were seeing. Finally Angel cleared his throat.

"Umguys, we're here about a demon."

Giles stepped out from the back, arms full of books.

"I'm sure we can identify the demon you saw in one of these."

The gang sighed. It was research time.

Several hours later Giles handed Angel a book. 

"Is this him?"

Angel looked; sure enough it was the demon that had tried to attack him. He read the comments next to the picture. Apparently the demon's ability was being able to drain the energy out of people, killing them if he held on long enough. He and Xander had definitely had a narrow escape.

"That's him." He said grimly.

"I don't understand." Said Buffy. "Why did it attack you? No one knows you're here apart from us."

"I've got plenty of enemies in LA." Angel replied. "I imagine one of them must have sent him after me. I have to go back, tonight, if this thing was sent after me then there's a chance that Cordy and Wesley have been targeted too."

Buffy nodded. "Is there anything you need?"

Angel shook his head. "I should go now. I want to make sure I beat the sunrise."

He stood up and so did Buffy. 

"I'll walk you too your car." She said. Angel gave a small smile and nodded.

***

The walk was over all too soon. Buffy and Angel stood by the car. They stood in silence for a moment before Buffy pulled him into a tight hug.

"Thank you for everything." She whispered. "Be careful, and remember to call me if you need anything."

"I will. Buffy, I hope that you and Spike are happy together. Tell him if he doesn't look after you he'll wish he's never met me."

Buffy smiled. "I will."

Angel climbed into the car and started the engine.

"Good bye Buffy."

"Bye Angel."

She watched until he'd driven out of sight and then walked slowly back to the shop.

  
_Spike's Crypt_

Riley woke up and looked around, startled. Something had woken him up. He looked around the dank crypt to see that Spike's old buddies weren't attacking them.

He rolled over in the bed and sat up with only the sheets covering him and turned around. 

Drusilla was gone.

For the past day and a half, he had listened to her alternately weeping, bawling or howling. Now he knew that the silence was what woke him. 

Quickly, he pulled his pants on, thanking whatever he relied on these days that it was night time and that Dru hadn't decided to take a lazy afternoon walk. 

"Drusilla? Dru?" he called out, in hopes that she was nearby.

He heard some rustling in the bushes and turned towards the noise. 

"Dru?"

She appeared so suddenly behind him that he jumped.

"The stars have whispered a little secret to me," she stated, tracing a finger from the back of his neck and down his bare chest. 

Riley stifled a groan, and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Why did you leave? You know that everybody wants to kill you around here" he chastised.

Dru looked hurt, but gave him a quirky smile. "Shhhh.." she whispered.

"I saw a surprise. Slayer's little friend is no more," she said with no small amount of hellish glee.

"What?" Riley asked, astounded. "Who? What happened? Xander? Willow? Spike?" he said the last with rancour, as if it left a bad taste in his mouth.

Drusilla frowned. "All and none."

Riley frowned again and puzzled over what she said. 

  
_At the Magic Shop_

Tara frowned at Willow as they sat at the big round table in the magic shop. They were reading up on spells. Really difficult ones, they both knew it. The problem wasn't that they were difficult. The problem that Willow was giggling as she turned the pages. It looked as though she was trying to hold back full-fledged guffaws.

"Sweetie?" Tara asked, sorta freaked out.

"Whathoney?" Willow finally answered, still distracted.

"What's so funny?" Tara replied, no trace of a waver in her voice as she did.

"Funny?" Willow smiled. "There's nothing funny about all of this serious magic." She answered, very seriously. Then she burst into giggles again.

"There is something going on here," Tara stated.

Xander passed by just as Tara said that last to Willow.

"There's a something?" he asked curiously. 

Willow looked up at her oldest friend, whom she was able to restore, with a small smile. "No something. Nothing at all."

Xander smiled and walked off and as he did, Willow looked back into the magic book. She was holding back the laughter this time, but the amusement still danced in her eyes.

Tara noticed this too.

*****

As insane as Drusilla might have been, she was freakishly determined when she decided on something. Perhaps her insanity only fuelling her mad quests.

They set out for the magic shop and once there, hesitated.

"We can't exactly walk right in there, Dru," Riley said in a patient tone.

"Nonsense. We will be in the shadows and no one will see" Dru cooed dreamily.

Riley shrugged and followed Drusilla as she calmly opened the door of the magic shop. 

*****

The bell of the shop jangled and Anya stood up quickly to assist the customers coming through the door, only to sit down just as quickly as she realized that it was after hours.

As she did, she jumped up again. Everyone else quickly saw what she was staring at and jumped up too. 

"Dru!"

"Riley!"

Everyone was in complete shock as they watched Drusilla enter the shop majestically, and with great import. Riley hung back and looked sheepish.

Buffy started. "What are you doing here Dru?"

Drusilla smiled coyly and put a finger to her lips. "Hush. Shhhhh."

"Excuse me, evil loony vampire right here, why are we not making with the pointy sticks?" Xander complained.

"You're all fixed now. You were blood and guts." Drusilla remarked in reply.

Angel completely ignored Drusilla and walked with a purpose towards the door. As he neared it, he also neared Riley. Riley got into a defensive stance, and Angel vamped out. Casually, and without any warning Angel slugged Riley in the stomach, and kneed him in the jaw as he doubled over. As Riley jerked his head back up, his neck ran into Angel's fists, knocking him to the ground. Angel picked Riley up, before he could get up, grabbed a hold of his clothes and tossed him out the door of the magic shop. All of this took less than a minute.

"Wow," Tara stated, which everyone nodded in agreement to. Except Willow. 

Willow, the now vengeance demon was facing down the vampire Drusilla.

Drusilla considered the redhead for a moment, a mixture of puzzlement and confusion on her face.

"You." She finally said. "You're the one that made it all better. Naughty little girl."

Everyone else frowned at this, not knowing what the insane vampire was talking about.

"Willow?" Buffy finally asked, seeing something in her friend that she'd never seen before. Power. Her whole body seemed to crackle with it, and it was a power that went beyond simple magic.

Willow turned to her friend and gave her a small smile.

"Don't worry, Buffy. I'm going to fix this. All you have to do is wish it."

"What?"

As Willow fingered the talisman around her neck the Slayer's eyes widened with the realisation of what was happening.

"Willow, what did you do?"

"I'll explain later, Buffy. Right now you have the chance for vengeance against the woman who nearly took Spike from you. Just make a wish and it's granted."

Buffy looked at Drusilla who seemed to be waiting almost expectantly to see what the wish was going to be. Her eyes then moved over to Spike, who was looking at his feet almost as though he didn't want to see what was going to happen next.

With a small smile Buffy moved over to him and cupped his chin gently raising his head until his eyes met hers.

"What do you want me to do?" She asked softly. She knew this wasn't a decision she could make on her own. Whether she liked it or not Drusilla was a part of Spike's life and she couldn't just end her life without knowing how it would affect the man she loved.

Spike looked over at Drusilla for a moment before returning his gaze to Buffy. 

"Don't kill her." He said softly. "Just get her out of here and don't let her come back."

Buffy smiled, nodded and placed a quick kiss on his lips before turning back to Willow and Dru.

Willow took a small step forward. "Make your wish."

Buffy nodded. "I wish for Dru to go back to where she came from and for her to stay away from me and my friends from now on."

Willow smiled. "Done."

A moment later and Drusilla was gone, leaving everyone now staring at Willow and awaiting some sort of explanation.

  
_Spike's crypt_

Hours had passed and now Riley knew something was wrong. Dru should have been back by now but instead he was alone, just as he had been before he'd met her. It didn't take an idiot to work out that she was either dead or had left him. If she'd actually managed to kill Spike he'd have heard about it by now.

Spike.

Just hearing the name in his head made Riley want to kill something. All of this was Spike's fault. He just had to go and make Buffy fall in love with him when she had a perfectly normal boyfriend who adored her.

"I just wish there was something I could do about it." He sighed, sitting on Spike's bier while he figured out what he was going to do next.

  
The Magic Box

"Wow." Was all Buffy could manage to say once Willow had finished her story. Anya still refused to leave Xander's side but she also chipped in her own parts until everyone knew exactly what had happened.

Xander seemed to be the one having problems processing what he was hearing. "I died? To save Angel?"

Anya nodded, leaning up to kiss him. "It was awful. Promise you'll never do anything heroic like that again."

Xander couldn't help but smile at that. "I promise. Only acts of cowardice from now on."

"S-so what do we do now?" Tara asked. "I mean Willow can't stay a demon, right?"

Everyone fell silent, finally realising the long-term effects of what Willow had done.

"She can stay a demon." Anya announced suddenly. "It's a very fulfilling career choice."

Tara's eyes teared up at the thought and Willow moved over to her side, wrapping her arms around her lover. 

It was true she hadn't thought this far ahead. All she'd cared about was getting Xander back. But now she could feel it in her heart, the cries of people who desired vengeance. What scared her most of all was the need she felt to grant their requests. To hurt, maim and kill those who had wronged people. 

How long would it be before she had to hurt someone she cared about?

"Hey, it's ok." She tried to reassure. "We'll work something out."

"Why don't we just smash the amulet?" Buffy suggested. "Isn't that how Anya lost her powers?"

Anya shook her head. "If we do that then Willow's spell will be reversed and Xander will be dead again."

"Well, what if she stays a demon and just refuses to grant wishes?" 

Anya shook her head again. "D'Hoffryn would kill her."

As they continued to discuss ways to solve the problem, nobody bar Tara noticed Willow's body go stiff.

"Will?" Tara asked softly. "What is it?"

"I'm needed." Willow whispered, a look of horror in her eyes. Before anyone could ask further questions she had vanished.

  
_Spike's Crypt_

"Willow?"

Riley stared in surprise at the girl who had just appeared before him.

"I'm here to grant your wish." She replied sadly. She was now starting to realise just what being a vengeance demon was going to mean. Sure, she'd managed to save Xander's life but now it looked like she was going to have to hurt someone else she cared about in order to even the balance out.

"Wish?" Riley asked. "What wish?"

For a moment Willow was hopeful. Maybe there was still some good left in Riley's heart. Maybe he wouldn't have it in him to hurt one of her friends.

"Didn't you make a wish?" She asked softly, all the while praying he'd say no.

Riley looked thoughtful for a moment and then his eyes darkened. 

"Spike." He hissed.

Willow's heart sank. Maybe she could talk him out of it before he said the words.

"Riley, you know hurting Spike won't make Buffy love you. Neither will killing him."

Riley sighed and sat back down on the bier. "I know. I just wish Buffy had never developed feelings for him."

Willow closed her eyes, trying hard not to let the tears fall "Done."

  
_A Sunnydale Café_

Riley looked up as the door to the café swung open. He remembered this. This was the night Buffy had found Spike collapsed in the alley. This was when it had all started. Willow had actually done it. She'd given him a second chance.

"Hey." Buffy smiled, placing a soft kiss on his lips. "Sorry for making you wait. Ran into a bit of trouble on my way in."

"Anything bad?" Riley asked, trying to keep his heart from soaring. 

Buffy sighed. "Just Spike related trouble. Remind me why I haven't staked him yet."

Riley shrugged. "Maybe you should. It's not like he does anything useful."

He was amazed when Buffy actually seemed to consider this. 

"Well, I am the slayerI dunno. I guess it's just a little beneath me. He's all helpless after all. So long as he stays out of my way I guess there's no harm letting him liveor un-live."

Riley smiled. He could live with that. If everything was the same, then Spike's chip would kill him in a few days anyway. 

"Hey, why don't we eat and then we can patrol together." He suggested, the final test to see if everything was the way he wanted it.

"Sure." Buffy smiled. "The more the merrier."

With a smile Riley leaned over and kissed her. "I love you."

"I love you too." She replied with an equally happy smile. "Now let's eat. We can't slay on an empty stomach."

Outside the café Willow peered through the window with dismay. Riley had got his wish and as far as Buffy was concerned the man she loved was right in front of her. Spike didn't even get a second thought.

She didn't know how but she had to do something about this. Right now Spike was in his crypt with the chip in his head slowly killing him. Only this time nobody cared enough to try and save him. Nobody but here that was. With a wave of her hand she teleported herself there, determined to make the most of her powers while she could.

  
_Spike's crypt_

"So let me get this straight." Spike sighed wearily, running his fingers through his hair and massaging his temples. "The chip in my head has knackered and it's killing me."

"That's right." Willow said, deciding to skip all the other details of the alternate reality. It would probably be too much for Spike to take in his current condition. "If we go to Giles now he might be able to help."

"Can't make things any worse I suppose." He finally said, standing with a wince. Willow quickly slipped an arm around his waist and helped lead the weakened vampire from his crypt. Once she got him to Giles she knew where her next port of call would be.

  
_Anya's apartment_

"Willow." Anya greeted in surprise as she opened her door. "Are you looking for Xander? He's not here."

"Actually it was you I wanted to talk to." Willow replied, marching in without waiting to be invited. "We have to talk."

She quickly explained to Anya everything that had happened, from Spike getting sick through to Riley's wish.

"I have to undo this." She said as she finished her story. "I have to make things the way they were. There has to be a way of undoing this without letting Xander die."

Anya looked at Willow with surprise. "Oh, it's quite simple really."

_  
Giles' Apartment_

Buffy looked down at Spike's now unconscious form and wrinkled her nose. 

"So let me get this straight. The chip in his head is killing him and the choices are either getting it removed or letting him die."

Giles nodded, looking on with shock as Buffy pulled a stake out of her pocket. In the background Riley couldn't help but smile. His girl was making the right choice for once.

"Buffy, what are you doing?" Giles asked warily.

"Giles, Spike's a killer. It's in his nature. If we remove the chip he's only going to hurt someone. Probably one of us. It's easier if I just end it now. It'll be a merciful death in his current state."

She moved over to where he was lying and prepared to make the finishing blow.

  
_Anya's apartment_

"You see, when Riley made his wish he overrode the other reality to create this one. If you smash your amulet you'll just sort of 'unplug' this current reality and things will go back to the way they were before you granted Riley's wish."

"So Xander will still be alive?" Willow asked, praying that it would be as simple as that.

Anya nodded with a smile. "Sure. The same thing happened when I lost my powers. All it did was undo the wish that was in progress. Everything else stayed the same."

Without another word Willow pulled the chain from her neck and placed it on Anya's table.

"I hope this works."

Anya passed her a stone fertility statue and smiled. "It will."

Willow nodded and took the statue from her.

_  
Giles' apartment_

"Do you want to say anything before you do this?" Giles asked, seeing that Buffy wasn't going to back down in her decision.

She looked down at Spike for a moment and frowned.

"I don't think there's anything that needs saying."

At that moment he moaned and stirred, his eyes fluttering open and fixing on her.

"Buffy?" He whispered with a small smile.

She reacted instantly and without hesitation, driving the stake into his heart. He was barely able to register the shock before his body exploded into dust, leaving a fine layer on the cushions of Giles couch.

"You did the right thing." Riley said with a smile, slipping his arm around Buffy's shoulder.

_  
Anya's apartment_

With a cry Willow brought the statue down hard on the amulet, shattering it easily. A white light blinded her momentarily and she then found herself back in Spike's crypt. Riley was stood in front of her just as he had been before.

"I just wish that Buffy had never developed feelings for him."

Slowly Willow's lips began to tuck upwards. Realizing she could feel *nothing* she gave Riley a sympathetic smile.

"Sorry Riley, but I don't think anything is going to break Buffy and Spike up. They've been through so much and they're still as much in love now as they ever were. If you care about Buffy at all you'll let her be happy with the man she loves."

Riley's shoulders slumped in defeat. "I shouldn't have come back."

Willow placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "It's not over yet. There's still a lot of people out there who could use your help."

Riley's eyes met hers in surprise. He'd expected her to condemn him, not try and help him. What she was saying made a lot of sense.

"I guess I could give the army another try."

Willow smiled. "Yeah."

Without thinking about him she pulled him into a gentle hug before turning and heading back out into the night. Finally everything was as it should be.

  
_The Magic Shop_

Everyone's heads shot us as the door swung open and Willow stepped inside.

"What happened?" Tara asked, jumping up from her seat and running to embrace her.

"It's ok." Willow soothed, stroking her hair. "I'm not a demon any more. I fixed it."

"How?" Buffy asked curiously. "We've been researching ways to reverse it without breaking the spell but we couldn't find anything."

"It doesn't matter." Willow replied. "But I've seen Riley and he's not going to bother us any more. I think he's going to head back to Belize."

"I guess this means we have a break between apocalypses." Buffy replied, standing up. "I say we Bronze."

There was a general murmur of agreement and slowly everyone filed out of the shop and into the night until only Buffy and Spike were left. 

She turned to him and gently pulled him into her arms, kissing him gently before laying her head on his chest.

"I love you." She whispered. "It just seemed important that I tell you."

Spike smiled, no matter how long he lived he was never going to get tired of hearing that.

"I love you too, pet. Now what's say we join the others. I'm dying to taste the flowering onion now that I actually _can_ taste it."

Buffy smiled and took his hand in hers as they headed out into the start of the rest of their lives.

The End


End file.
